


Delusion or Reality?

by be_the_trash



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, Youtube RPF
Genre: Anti - Freeform, Depression, Hallucinations, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-01-28 08:12:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12602200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/be_the_trash/pseuds/be_the_trash
Summary: Jack has delt with Anti and his schizophrenia for years and he's avoided meeting people in real life to the extent of becoming a hermit, but things are changing.Anti is getting stronger and Jack is afraid. He's scared of Anti's new control over him and the things he does. He can't tell his audience or any of his friends and he doesn't have anyone to talk to anymore. Everyone left him. His parents. His sister. His girlfriend. Anti made sure of that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This originally started out as a chapter for a different story but I realized I could turn it into something else. I know I'm not the greatest writer, but I hope you enjoy.

Jack closed his eyes, trying to shut out the horror before him. He flinched when the monster growled in a low, threatening tone, but he didn't open his eyes.

"It's not real, it's not real," he murmured quietly, squeezing his eyes closed tighter.

~~_**Oh I'm very real Jackaboy. Why won't you open your eyes and enjoy my little gift? I made him specially for you** _ ~~

"No Anti, leave me alone," Jack covered his ears, trying to block everything out.

He felt the hot breath of the creature in front of him blow over his face. He started shaking in fear, the monsters horrible face flashing across his mind as he tried to force himself farther into the corner of the room he was in. He pressed himself into the wall, trying to escape the stench.

He felt something caress his leg and he screamed. Something slimy was slithering up his leg. He opened his eyes and instantly regretted it; his memory hadn't done the monster justice. It's ugly, mutilated face hovered in front of him and for some reason Jack couldn't look away.

He heard Anti cackling, but it was muffled. All he could focus on was the creature in front of, getting closer and closer. A part of it's face that Jack could only guess was it's mouth, opened as it got closer. The opening had rows of jagged, teeth like bones. It clamped down onto his leg and Jack stopped breathing. It surprisingly didn't hurt that much, but when it pulled away there were hundreds of little bloody gashes covering his leg. The same slimy limb crawled up his leg and wrapped tightly around the bite marks.

Then there was pain. Pain like nothing he had ever felt before. Pain that ripped at his insides, eating away at him. Jack's vision went white as the agony raced through him.

Suddenly the pain vanished, along with the creature, but something felt off. Jack was struggling to place it when his body started to move without his permission. Whatever was controlling him walked stiffly to the bathroom. Jack tried to stop himself, but he suddenly couldn't remember how to control his body.

When they reached the bathroom and looked in the mirror, Jack screamed, or at least he tried to. His body had morphed into Anti's body. His teeth were jagged and there was a large gash across his neck. His ears were pointed and curled, his eyes glowed green except for the pitch black pupil. Jack tried to scream again, but he was still trapped. Anti's voice came out of Jack's mouth.

~~_**Now now, calm down Jacky. I can't concentrate when you scream like that** _ ~~

Jack cried without tears or sound. He didn't know what was happening or how he could stop it. He tried to talk, scream, cry, laugh, anything, but nothing came out. He tried to take his body back, but he didn't know how.

As Jack struggled, Anti was trying out his new body. He flexed his fingers and moved every limb, learning how to control himself again.

After what felt like hours, Anti looked at him through the mirror and grinned.

~~ _**Well this was fun. I'll be looking forward to doing this again** _ **Sean** ~~

Jack had his body back. He collapsed on the ground. His body shook and he vomited again and again. There wasn't very much in his stomach so it quickly turned into dry heaving. He couldn't get the feeling of not being himself off of him. He scratched at his arms violently, trying to get rid of the unwanted feeling. He moved to his stomach, his neck, his face, nothing belonged to him. He kept scratching, scratching, scratching, he had to get rid of it, he wasn't pure. It didn't belong. It didn't belong, ~~It didn't be-~~

 

*****

It was quiet. Jack lay on the floor of his bathroom, unable to move. His limbs were heavy and there was a ringing in his ears. He couldn't focus, the ceiling was shifting in and out of focus. He could hear his own labored breathing and he felt the cool tile beneath him.

He dimly thought about trying to get up, but instantly pushed it away. He was too tired. He couldn't tell how much time was passing as he stared up at the florescent lights above him. They flickered as he lay there, weighed down by an invisible force. The smell of his own vomit made its way to his nose and even though he couldn't pull his eyes away from the ceiling, he could see the puddle out of the corner of his eye.

Slowly, Jack became aware of his body again. His fingers twitched and he could slightly move his arms again. Next came his feet, legs, and finally his head. He sat up and looked around at the mess he had made of the bathroom. Jack stood up with a groan and peeled his soaked shirt off, getting in the shower. The water was cold and it filled Jack with energy. After the shower, Jack cleaned the bathroom.

He went to his work room. He checked the time on one of computers.

"Shit..." Jack ran to his computer and uploaded a pre-recorded video. He sent out a quick tweet apologizing and sank into his chair. His stomach growled. He made his way to the kitchen but when he opened his fridge, the voices decided to chime in.

**You already ate today**

"I threw it up," Jack protested, "Besides, wasn't that technically yesterday?"

**I don't care**

**Only one**

**Already ate**

The voices overlapped, all wanting to chime in and give their opinions. Jack sighed in frustration. To distract himself from the pain in his stomach, he decided to record some videos.

 

".... in the next video!" Jack sighed and shut off the camera. He had recorded three different games and the sleepless nights were beginning to catch up with him. He glanced at his clock. 5:15. Jack bit his lip, thinking. He really didn't want to face Anti again.

Everyone always told him that Anti wasn't real, but he never believed them. No matter what anyone said, Anti was real. The whole reason he started Anti on his channel was to prove to himself that he wasn't crazy. He used things Anti had actually said and tried to mimick his appearance with editing, but nobody ever realized that Anti was real.

Jack sighed and rubbed his eyes. He had to try, he couldn't keep going without sleep. He stood up and walked out of his recording room. He stood in the hallway to his bedroom, staring at the door. It was cracked open and dark. It was the only room in the house without a light on, giving it an ominous appearance. As he approached the room, he could feel someone watching him from behind. He spun around, but no one was there. Spooked, Jack hurried the rest of the way to his room.

Still feeling like someone was watching him, Jack threw himself onto his unmade bed. He leaned against the wall and tried to relax, talking quietly to himself.

"No one's there. It's all in your head. No one's there, no one. Anti's gone. It's not real." Jack rocked slightly back and forth, his hands gripping his biceps. He looked all around the room, jerking his head to try to keep it all in view at once. Trying to ignore it but failing miserably, he pulled the covers over him and sank into the soft mattress. Sleep over took him instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate any comments. I always get super happy when I see someone has commented.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know how to make it clear that a few weeks have passed between this chapter and the first chapter without making it sound choppy and weird, so I'm just saying it here.

**What time is it?**

**Why aren't you up yet?**

**Open your eyes**

**Wake up you little shit**

**WAKE UP**

Jack let out a yell as his eyes flew open. He scrambled out of bed, flailing wildly. He dropped into a fighting stance by his bed, ready to take on whatever was threatening him.

**Idiot**

**Dumbass**

**Pathetic**

Jack sighed and stood up, it was just his voices. He glanced at the clock before sitting down to edit the newest footage.

 

Jack sighed and sat back in his chair, rubbing his eyes. He was so tired all the time. He was worried it was beginning to show in his videos. Maybe he'd have to start covering the bags under his eyes with makeup.

He set one of the videos he just recorded to upload that morning and walked into the kitchen to get some coffee. His voices got a little louder as he walked in, some of them speaking and others just hissing.

**Poison**

**No food**

**Not allowed**

"It's not food, it's coffee," Jack pointed out. The voices didn't like it, but they let him drink the coffee. He filled his mug to the brim and carefully brought it to the couch. He pulled out his phone and was surprised to see a text from Mark.

Mark: Hey, so I know you don't really want to meet people in real life, which I respect and all, but I was wondering if maybe you would come out to LA and film some collabs with me? It's cool if you don't want to, I understand.

Jack bit his lip. He had never been to any sort of meet and greets that most YouTubers his size do, or any sort of convention. He had never met anybody in real life and only hesitantly agreed to live Skype people for collabs. He was just too afraid of having an episode in front of people, seeing as the last time that happened.... well he doesn't want to think about that.

Jack: I'm not sure. I would love to collaborate again, but I don't know about flying all the way to LA for it when we could easily do it over Skype.

Jack read his message a couple of times, worried it sounded rude, but he couldn't think how to reword it so he just pressed send.

**He's going to think you're rude**

**What an asshole**

Jack shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He shook his head, trying to clear it a little. His eyes opened when he heard the ping of a text message from his phone. He unlocked it and quickly scanned Mark's message.

Mark: I was thinking we could do some challenges and comedy videos, so we would kind of have to be in the same room for that. I know some people are afraid of heights so if that's the problem, I'd be happy to fly to you

Jack: It's not about the plane ride, but I appreciate it. I really want to do those videos, but I just can't right now

Jack really did want to make those videos with Mark, he didn't even care what they were about. He had always wanted to be in some of Mark's skits or other non-gaming videos, but he couldn't. The threat of having an episode was too big for Jack to risk it. He had tried meds in the past, some of them got rid of the voices but none of them got rid of Anti.

Mark: Can we Skype?

Jack: okay

A few seconds after Jack hit send, he heard the sound of a Skype call coming from his computer. He had to race to answer it in time.

He quickly sat down and said with a fake smile plastered on his face, "Hey Mark."

Mark appeared on screen, "Hi Jack."

Jack shifted, feeling slightly uncomfortable. He really didn't like talking on Skype. "So what'd you want to talk about?"

Mark took a deep breath then spoke quickly, like he was afraid he would be interrupted, "Why don't you ever do meet and greets? Or go to conventions? I've never seen you except through a screen, no one has. It's kind of weird. Is there something you're not telling us?"

Silence. Mark was staring at Jack and Jack was looking anywhere but Mark. Jack cleared his throat and tried to grab at any excuse.

**Tell him you're a murderer**

**Or a psycho**

**A freak**

~~ _**Kill him** _ ~~

Jack's head jerked up when he heard Anti's voice from beside him. He turned slowly to look at Anti. Anti was lounging in a chair in the corner of the room. Jack stared at him for a minute before Mark's voice came from the computer.

"Jack?"

Jack answered without looking, half in a daze, "Yeah, what? Sorry."

~~ _**Are you ready Jacky?** _ ~~

"So um... Are you going to come collaborate with me or what?"

~~ _**We're going to have some fun tonight** _ ~~

"Yeah, sure. Sure, whatever."

~~ _**Turn off the computer Jack, or there's going to be consequences** _ ~~

"What, really? I-"

Jack couldn't hear Mark anymore. Everything was drowned out by the ringing in his ears. He turned to look at Mark, keeping his face carefully blank.

"Sorry I have to go."

"Wait Ja-"

Jack ended the call and turned back to Anti. He was nervous; he knew he was about to have an episode. Anti always came up with monsters to torture him. At first they couldn't touch or hurt him, but as Anti grew stronger, so did his monsters.

Anti stood up smiling his glitchy grin. The chair he was sitting in fell on its side and vanished as he took a threatening step towards Jack.

~~ _**I thought we'd have a little bonding time today, just you and me. No monsters** _ ~~

"Oh really?" Jack asked, trying to sound brave. His eye twitched as he stood up, "And how exactly will we be bonding?"

~~ _**Oh, you'll see** _ ~~

Anti walked forward and Jack scrambled to get away. He raced around his desk, gripping the sides to brace himself when it was between them. Anti tutted.

~~ _**Now now, what's wrong Jack? Don't you want to get to know me a little better? I know I want to know you** _ ~~

With his last sentence Anti disappeared. A hand grabbed Jack's neck and white hot pain seared through his body. Jack screamed and fell to the ground, the hand gripping tightly onto his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please comment I crave attention.


	3. Chapter 3

Jack lay on the ground, too exhausted to stand up and too sad to try. He knew that even if he wanted to, the numbness spread throughout his body would prevent it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 _He could barely remember a time when his family loved him. His parents let him stay at their house, for now, but they were scared of him. The people that were supposed to love him unconditionally for eternity, were_ afraid _of him._

_"Sean, honey. Don't you think it's about time to get your own place? You have the money."_

_Jack couldn't help but flinch when his mom called him honey. It used to make him feel safe, but her voice had lost of it's warmth when she spoke to him._

_"I-I'm not sure if I can live on my own. Anti... H-he's getting stronger and I don't kn-"_

_His dad cut in, his irritated tone showing how angry he was, "Anti isn't real. You need to get that through whatever is left of your brain. Anti. Isn't. Real."_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jack tried to push the memories away. He couldn't deal with this right now, he needed to get up. Hands shaking, Jack used the kitchen counter to pull himself into a sitting position. He felt a pull in his thigh. He brought his hand to rub the knot out of the muscle, but found his thigh was covered in something.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_"Please, Mom... Dad.... Please don't do this."_

_His parents looked at him in disgust. His mom spoke, "I'm sorry Sean, but we can't do this any longer. You need to leave."_

_"It wasn't me! Please, Mom. You know it was Anti. He's stronger now, I've told you this. Please." His voice broke on the last word._

_"I told you not to say that name. You are delusional. You aren't my son anymore."_

_Jack cried and begged, but his parents weren't listening._

_"You have until tommorow morning. I want you out of this house by the time I wake up. Do you understand me?"_

_His dad's words echoed in his head as he packed his things. He left after they went to bed. They didn't love him anymore. ~~Jack~~ Anti pushed them away._

_He didn't know where he would go. He had all of his YouTube equipment and everything important to him, except a family._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jack pulled the knife out of his leg with a groan. He had forgotten about Anti making him stab himself. Maybe his family was right to be afraid of him, he was a danger to himself. It was all his fault really. Anti wasn't real; Jack was. Sweat poured down his face as Jack struggled to stand up. He fell, his leg unable to support him, so he had to drag himself towards the first aid kit he kept in the closet of his bedroom.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_The porch light glowed as Jack knocked on the door. The door opened and his sisters face appeared in front of him._

_"Sean? What are you doing here?" His sister asked._

_"Mom and Dad kicked me out. I was hoping I could stay with you, just for a few days untill I can get a place." Jack held his breath, hoping his sister would let him stay. They hadn't left off on the best terms; Anti had tried to get him to kill her._

_His sister looked uncomfortable, "You know Sean, now isn't really a great time for me. I... I don't really know how to put this but.... You're kind of a lot to handle and I have a guest already. Besides, you have a girlfriend, right?"_

_Jack felt a cold hand reach into his heart. He nodded to his sister, "Right, yeah. I understand."_

_His sister stood there for a minute, obviously unsure of what to say. Someone behind her Jack couldn't see asked, "Who is it."_

_His sister gave Jack a look and turned around, closing the door behind her. "It's no one, don't worry about it."_

_Jack stood in front of her door, trying hard not to cry. He turned and numbly walked back to his car. He felt his last shred of hope shrivel up in his chest as he sat in his car, staring out at the street. He didn't want to live with his girlfriend, he didn't love her and she didn't love him, but he had nowhere else to go. Jack sighed and started up the car._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jack grit his teeth and pushed the needle through his skin. He stitched up his leg as neatly as he could through the pain. He wrapped it tightly, not wanting to have to go to a hospital and explain why he stabbed himself if it got infected.. He was dragged himself across the floor to his dresser. After wiggling into some sweatpants, Jack leaned against the wall.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_He moved on from his family. He didn't need them. He had a beautiful girlfriend, a great job, and the perfect amount of friends. Anti still got stronger, but Jack ignored it._

_He told his girlfriend about everything ages ago and at first, she was sympathetic. Slowly, she became less and less kind towards him and Anti. She started to hit Jack if he talked about Anti, and everytime he had an episode she would tell him to stop being such a baby._

_He was laying on the floor, sobbing after an episode. His girlfriend, her name was Ruby, was standing over him, her arms crossed._

_"Oh shut up. You're such a fucking baby, I don't know why I agree to let you stay with me. Your own parents didn't even want you, why in hell did you think I would?"_

_Jack took a few deep breaths and stood up, "I'm sorry," he said shakily, "I-it's just that Anti-"_

_Ruby cut him off, "I don't give a shit about your imaginary friend." She glared at him._

_Jack trembled and nodded slightly, "S-s-sorry. I forgot."_

_She raised an eyebrow, "You forgot? I'm your girlfriend, you don't get to forget." She advanced on Jack and hit him, hard. Jack reeled back and fell to the ground again. She started kicking him, "You are a fucking weight dragging me down. You are lucky I'm still here. You are fucking pathetic." She reached down and dragged him by the collar of his shirt, "You and your whole schizophrenia act. It's bullshit. BULLSHIT!" With that, Ruby threw Jack against the wall and the memory shattered._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jack heard the sound of a Skype call sounding on his computer a few rooms away. "Shit..."

Jack tried again to stand up, but his leg still wouldn't let him. He fell to the ground and groaned in pain. He managed to scoot out of his bedroom and into his work room. The sound had stopped, whoever it was giving up on calling him. Jack pulled himself into the chair.

He checked his phone that was laying on the desk and saw he had multiple messages from Mark. He sent a quick apology text to him and said that they'd talk tomorrow.

**Right, because he definitely wants to talk to you**

**He hates you too**

**A new record**

**Only took a few years**

Jack ignored them, deep in thought. He gently rubbed his stab wound as he thought about what Anti had just done.

  
He used Jack's body again, only this time he had more control. He hadn't been as clumsy. Jack shivered as he remembered the feeling of Anti using Jack's own arm to drive the knife into his thigh.

The second his hand came off his knife, Jack got his body back. He reacted the same way as before, he threw up the small amount of food that was in his stomach along with some blood this time. He couldn't move for a while, weighed down by that same invisible force, until the effect had worn off.

  
Jack leaned back in his chair, tired. He closed his eyes for a second and accidentally fell asleep, his lack of sleep catching up with him once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was fun


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever have that feeling where you know what you wrote was shit and you want to fix it, but you just don't know how? Yeah, that's this entire story. I'm so horrible at descriptions, it's so clear in my head but I can't put it into words.

Jack awoke with a start. He groaned and rubbed the kink in his neck from sleeping in a chair. He gingerly stood up, unsure if his leg would support him. Luckily, it did. Jack limped out to the kitchen, about to make himself a cup of coffee, when he saw the stains. There was a puddle of blood and vomit on the tile of his kitchen floor and a trail on the carpet leading to his bedroom.

"Shit I forgot about that." Jack grabbed some tile cleaner and carpet cleaner from under his sink and strated scrubbing.

After he got everything cleaned up, Jack slowly limped his way back to the kitchen where he made his cup of coffee. He ignored the voices as they protested, too tired to care.

After he drank his first cup, he started to feel a little better. He poured himself another cup and headed back to his work room, grabbing his phone off the table to send a quick message to Mark saying he could talk whenever.

He had only barely opened his editing software when a Skype call sounded. Jack saw it was from Mark and accepted it.

Mark started talking instantly, "You own me an explanation. First, you leave our Skype call without warning. Then, you don't respond to any of my texts. After _five hours_  you decide to finally text me."

"Wait, five hours??" Jack didn't think Anti had been in control that long, only a few minutes. How long did he lay there after?

Mark gave him a confused look, "Yeah, five hours. Were you asleep or something?"

"Yes! I mean um... Yeah I was asleep, sorry." Jack mentally cheered, Mark just gave him a perfect excuse.

"Oh... Well that's good I guess, you've been looking like you could use some sleep. So anyway, when do you want to fly down for those collabs?"

Jack froze, "What? I said I couldn't do those." Jack quickly racked his brain, did he say he could do them?

Mark stared at him for a second, "You forgot?"

"I-I guess I did. I'm so sorry Mark, I can't do them. I can't leave." Jack felt like a horrible friend. He always hated backing out of promises, especially the ones he wished he could keep.

Mark's face fell, "Everyone was so excited."

Jack shifted in his seat, "I'm sorry."

"Are you sure you can't come?" Mark pleaded.

~~_**Visit him** _ ~~

Jack could feel Anti's breath on the back of his neck as he spoke. He tried not to let it show, but he couldn't breathe. On the other side of the screen, Mark had definitely noticed.

"Jack?"

"Okay I'll visit you." Jack hated himself for saying it, but he could ignore a direct command from Anti.

Mark looked skeptical, "If this is like last time and you leave again then forget about it, I swear I will-"

Jack laughed, "No, it's not. I'll come visit. I won't forget. When do you want to do that?"

Mark grinned, "As soon as possible. I've been waiting years to meet you in real life, you don't understand how happy I am right now."

Jack couldn't help but smile, "I'll see when some flights are available and I'll text you the details in an hour or so."

"Okay, bye then." Mark gave a small wave and ended the call. Jack instantly turned to glare at Anti who had been watching the end of the call.

"Why?"

~~ _**You need to loosen up, meet some people. I'm really doing this for you** _ ~~

Jack narrowed his eyes, "I'm not that stupid. Whatever your plan is, I'm asking you nicely, please don't."

Anti winked at Jack and faded. Jack was left staring at the wall in confusion. He tried to shake it off as he started looking for flights to LA.

 

A few hours later, everything was set. Jack would fly down in a few days and stay for a little over a week. Mark offered to let him sleep in a spare bedroom he had. Jack tried to say no to the offer but Mark refused to take no for an answer. They agreed not to say anything to their fans just yet, both wanting it to be a surprise.

Jack was nervous. This would be the first time he would ever meet Mark face to face. He really wanted to make a good first impression, despite them already knowing each other quite well. He was also nervous about sleeping at his house, since that was just more time he had to spend around Mark and the others.

He wasn't sure how long his leg would take to heal, so that was another thing weighing on his mind. Hopefully he would be able to walk without limping by the time he had to get on the plane.

Jack pulled himself out of his doubts and started recording. He needed to record a lot of videos in only a few days so he needed to work hard. He decided to record for less time and make his videos just slightly shorter to save himself a little bit of time.

 

Jack saved the finished video and sat back in his chair, exhausted. He had been working for twelve hours straight. His eyes were grainy from staring at the screen for so long and his fingers ached. He stretched out his fingers, rubbed his eyes, then stood up. His leg screamed in protest and Jack had to hold back a curse. His voices, of course, laughed at him as he bit his hand to distract himself.

He made his way to his couch with his first aid kit and sat down, his injured leg stretched out in front of him. He pulled down the sweatpants and cautiously unwrapped his bandaging. He could tell instantly it was infected. He stared at it for a minute, unsure of what to do. He grabbed his phone and did a quick Google search for how to fight infected cuts.

He followed the cleaning instructions, using paper towels with soap and water. He was nervous because if it didn't look better the next time he checked it, he'd have to go to the hospital, and he really didn't want to do that.

He quickly wrapped it with a clean bandage and set the first aid kit on the ground beside him. He sank into the couch and closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep. The worry gnawing at his stomach kept him up for a while.

What if his cut got worse? What if Mark found out? What if he hated Jack? His mind started playing all the possible scenarios like a movie in Jack's head. Jack sighed and rolled over to grab the remote, needing a distraction. He turned on the TV, not really paying attention. Eventually he managed to fall into a restless sleep.

 

Jack woke up with a start. He stared around the room, unsure of what woke him up. The TV was off, which bothered Jack because he had left it on when he fell asleep. Figuring he must have turned it off when he was half asleep, Jack stretched and stood up. His leg hurt badly, the pain meds must have worn off.

The worry from last night came flooding back into his head but Jack pushed it to the side. He ignored the nagging in the back of his head and ate breakfast. The voices were surprisingly quiet, which made Jack uneasy, like something bad was going to happen. After he ate he slowly unwrapped his leg. Before it was fully uncovered, Jack could already tell it was worse. The edges were green and heat radiated off it in waves.

"Fuck, what am I going to say?" Jack started thinking of possible ways he could explain this to the doctors. A kitchen accident? Yeah, maybe the knife slipped when he was cutting something. A good lie involves specifics. What was he cutting? Onions? No.... Carrots? Good enough. He quickly rewrapped it, got dressed, and grabbed his wallet and keys before getting in his car, ignoring his voices as they laughed at and taunted him

He pulled out of his driveway and drove straight to the hospital. He had memorized the route ages ago in case of an emergency from Anti. He parked the car and limped to the front desk.

He gave the person working the desk a small smile before saying uncertainly, "Um I have an infected wound."

The lady gave him an uninterested look and handed him some paperwork. Jack sat down in the empty waiting room and filled out the paperwork with as little information as he could get away with. He really didn't want to fill it out at all, but he had to if he wanted help. He handed gave it back to the lady and waited.

After a little while, a woman brought him to a room. The doctor took his blood pressure and pulse before asking, "Where is the infection?"

Jack quickly pulled down his pant leg and unwrapped the bandage. She inspected it and asked, "How did this happen?"

Jack took a deep breath, "I was cutting carrots and the knife slipped."

She looked skeptical, "And you stitched it up yourself? How deep did it go in?"

Jack nodded and held up his hand with his fingers a few inches apart, "About this far."

She wrote a few things on her clipboard and said, "I'm going to have to redo the stitches. You'll also probably need some antibiotics. I'll be right back."

Jack watched her leave. He waited, glancing around the room without actually paying attention to any of it. A few minutes later, the woman walked back in.

"This is probably going to hurt," she said. She quickly pulled out his stitches. She threaded a needle and set her own, much neater stitches. Jack bit his lip to keep from making sound as the needle went in and out of his skin.

She was silent as she worked. After she put in the stitches, she put some ointment on it and wrapped it in a new bandage. She scribbled something on a pad and handed it to Jack, "Any pharmacy nearby should be able to fill that. Take two a day, after meals, until they're all gone."

Jack took the prescription, "Thank you."

She nodded, "You can pay in the front or ask them to send up a bill."

Jack limped his way back to the front, his leg burning. He payed with cash and left. He quickly stopped by the nearest pharmacy to picked up his prescription, then pulled into his driveway and turned off the car. He sat there for a minute, just staring at the windshield, before limping back into his house.

He slammed the door behind him. After taking off his shoes and putting away his keys, he made his way back into his work room. He cracked his knuckles and neck and turned on his camera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would appreciate any constructive criticism. I don't really know where I'm going with this story right now, but I'll figure it out soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever have that feeling where you know what you wrote was shit and you want to fix it, but you just don't know how? Yeah, that's this entire story. I'm so horrible at descriptions, it's so clear in my head but I can't put it into words.

Jack checked his suitcase one last time. He smacked his forehead, "Idiot," he said, grabbing his antibiotics off the dresser. He was still limping unfortunately, so he'd have to come up with some sort of excuse to tell Mark. He'd probably just use the same one he told the hospital if he was being honest, he was too lazy to bother coming up with a new one.

Jack set his suitcase on the ground and rolled it out to his car. He grabbed the printed out plane tickets off the counter and got in the car. He pulled up the GPS on his phone and followed it to the airport.

He was nervous about flying. He had never flown before, never having a reason to. He had purchased the more expensive ticket so he didn't have to fly coach, and he planned to sleep most of the way.

He was also nervous because he hadn't had an episode since Anti had stabbed him. He wasn't sure what Anti was planning with this trip, but it couldn't be good. It never was.

 

*****

 

Three plane rides and fourteen hours later, Jack landed in LA. His legs felt like Jell-O, which really didn't help the burning of his stab wound. He limped to the baggage claim and waited for his suitcase. He grabbed one he thought was his, but it had the wrong tag so he put it back. Eventually he found his and went outside the airport to wait for Mark. His flight had arrived a few minutes early so he didn't expect Mark to already be waiting.

"Jack!"

Jack spun around and saw Mark running towards him. He couldn't help smiling as Mark approached. Mark slowed down as he got closer, taking in Jack with a huge grin on his face.

"Its so good to see you," Mark pulled him into a hug.

Jack flinched away from Mark, who immediatly pulled away, worried.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just.... I don't really like people touching me," Jack mumbled, not looking at Mark. Ever his girlfriend, being touched by other people felt like pins and needles being pushed into his skin.

"Oh... Okay then." Mark looked confused but he shrugged it off, bouncing on the balls of his feet like a little kid. "I'm so happy you're here."

Jack laughed at Mark's enthusiasm, "I'm happy to be here."

Mark turned and pointed behind him, "My cars over there, let's go."

Jack nodded and limped after Mark. The second he started walking Mark asked, "Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah I'm fine. I just had a little accident, nothing to worry about," Jack tried to act casual.

Mark grabbed his suitcase from him, "Well at least let me carry this for you."

"Thanks," Jack smiled and followed Mark the rest of the way to his car.

When they got closer, Jack saw Ethan was in the driver's seat. Ethan got out of the car as they approached and yelled, "Jack! It's so nice to actually meet you."

Jack smiled, "It's nice to meet you too."

Ethan frowned as he noticed Jack's limp, "You okay?"

Jack nodded, trying again to not sound suspicious, "Yeah just a little accident I had. It's not bad, don't worry."

Ethan nodded, "Well you better get in. It's a long drive to the house."

Jack got in the backseat and, to his surprise, so did Mark. Mark still had that goofy grin on his face and said as Ethan pulled out of the airport, "I can't believe you're actually here."

Jack grinned back, "Neither can I. I honestly thought I'd never meet you in real life, I'm kind of glad-" Jack caught himself. He almost mentioned Anti.

~~ _**Careful Jacky** _ ~~

Mark looked confused, "Kind of glad what?"

Jack shook his head, "Nothing. Just glad to be here."

Jack turned to look out the window at the city going by, ignoring Anti. He had never been to a big city and he was excited to see what sort of things it had to offer. When he lived with his parents, they lived out in the middle of nowhere. The place he moved to was a very small town with only a couple thousand people, so a big city like LA was beyond comprehension for Jack.

Soon they pulled up to a house that Jack guessed was Mark's. They all got out and Jack grabbed his suitcase from the trunk. Mark led the way in, giving Jack a mini tour.

"... and this is your room," Mark finished with a flourish. Jack walked in and tossed his suitcase on the bed.

"Thanks Mark, I really appreciate this."

Mark waved it away, "Oh shut up. You're probably tired so I'll let you sleep for now. Tomorrow we're going to start filming some of those sketches I was talking about. I was thinking we could do a vlog together first and both post it on our channels at the same time. Or we could just surprise them with the videos. You know what? It's late, go to bed, we'll talk tomorrow," Mark rambled.

Jack laughed, "Okay."

Mark left and Jack shut the door behind him, sighing as he did so. Dealing with other people always drained his energy, even if he really liked them. He sat on his bed and checked his leg again. He hadn't had time in between flights. He carefully unwrapped it, checking for the signs of infection. Since he had started taking the antibiotics two days ago, the infection had gone down slightly. Jack was still a little worried about it, but he pushed it aside. He could almost walk without limping now, so as long as he didn't pull the stitches he'd be fine.

Jack laid down on the bed. He was happy right now and he really wanted to hang onto the feeling, so he just stayed there, staring at the ceiling in happiness. Eventually, his eyelids got tired and he started yawning. He closed his eyes and slipped into sleep.

 

Jack slowly opened his eyes. His eyebrows knit together as he looked around. Where was he? Then he remembered. He sat up excitedly, reality fully hitting him, he was at Mark's. He met Mark yesterday. Mark hugged him. Jack felt bad as he remembered how he handled that. He shouldn't have said anything.

There was a soft knock at the door and Mark's voice came through the crack, "Jack? You up?"

Jack opened the door to see a fully dressed Mark standing in front of him. "I'm up," he stated unnecessarily. Mark gestured for Jack to follow him and walked away. Jack hurried after Mark, wincing as he stretched his leg too much, but ignoring it as he wondered where Mark was leading him. He followed Mark downstairs and saw a table set up with almost every type of breakfast food imaginable.

Mark rubbed his hands together nervously, "I didn't know what types of food you liked, so I made a lot."

Jack felt a lump form in his throat. Mark was so nice, it made Jack feel like a lousy friend. Jack thanked Mark, but he brushed it off again only saying that it was his job as a host.

Jack sat down next to Mark, hungry and ready to dig in. He picked up his fork and froze in mid-air.

**NO**

**No food**

**Poison**

**Poison**

**Stop**

Jack realized he couldn't talk to the voices out loud like he usually did when he was alone. He bit his lip as he thought, knowing he should probably listen to them, but not knowing how.

Mark, of course, noticed and asked, "What's wrong?"

Jack shook his head, "Nothing, just thinking." He forced a smile and put some food on his plate. Mark seemed to buy it and started eating. Jack pushed the food around on his plate, occasionally taking a few bites to make it look like he was eating more than he actually was. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about putting food in his mouth, so eventually he just stopped pretending.

"Thank you Mark, it was really good."

Mark smiled widely at him, "Good, now that we've eaten, it's time to talk game. I mentioned last night a vlog. I think we should vlog a little everyday and each upload some of the footage after you get back. I think if we...."

Jack listened intently to Mark, excited to get started. Mark finished talking and after a little input from Jack, they started on their first video. Jack hadn't really done anything like the skits Mark had, except for things with Anti which didn't really count in his mind.

They started to set up outside; chairs, cameras, and other various props placed just right. Mark wanted the first sketch to all be taken in one shot so they ran through a practice a few times before they turned on the camera and handed it to Ethan. They only got a few lines in before they messed up and had to start over. Jack realized this was going to take a while.

A few hours later, they finally reached the end of the sketch. They went to review the footage, but it had stopped recording twenty minutes ago.

"Ethan!" Mark yelled, though he didn't seem actually angry. "What the hell?"

Ethan shrugged, "How am I supposed to know."

**Fucking idiots**

**Get rid of them**

Jack tried not to change his expression as Mark face palmed and sighed, "Let's get a new camera and go again."

They messed up the first and second time, but on the third run they finally made it. Ethan grinned when they watched it back to see if there were any issues. "See? It doesn't even matter that the camera wasn't recording the first time."

Mark shook his head, "You just got lucky."

Jack laughed. It was only the first day and already he was having the time of his life. He wondered why he hadn't done this ages ago. Sure, he was still nervous about whatever Anti had planned, but this was the most fun he had ever had. He'd never really had friends growing up, especially not after Anti appeared, so it was kind of weird to be around people and not get weird looks.

They cleaned up and got the area ready for their next sketch. This one wasn't all in one shot because it involved costume changes. Mark had only briefly explained it to Jack, but he was super excited.

 

  
They worked through lunch until almost dinner. Jack didn't really notice since he wasn't allowed to eat lunch most days anyway, but both Mark and Ethan were starving.

"Should we go out to eat or should we just make something here?" Mark asked.

Ethan thought for a minute, "Didn't a new Chinese place open in our area a few weeks ago?"

Mark whipped out his phone and looked it up, "Yeah, I guess we could try it. Jack?"

Jack nodded, "Yeah I'll eat whatever. I'm not really that hungry anyway."

Mark gave him a look, "Not hungry? We haven't eaten since breakfast."

Jack shrugged and lied, "Maybe it's jet-lag?" He knew he was just use to not eating by now and since he had already eaten, his voices weren't going to let him eat again.

Mark nodded, "Okay. You should probably get something anyway, just in case you're hungry later."

Jack rolled his eyes, "Thanks, mom."

Mark laughed and got in the driver seat of his car. Jack let Ethan have the front and hopped in back. The drive only took a few minutes and soon they were pulling into the parking lot of a fancy looking restaurant.

They sat down in a booth in a secluded corner and ordered quickly. Jack chose the smallest thing he could. The voices were already starting to talk. One voice was just flat out screaming, causing Jack's head to ache.

**We said no**

**Poison**

**Don't poison us**

Jack's vision started blurring; he needed to get out of there. He stood up suddenly, mumbling a quick, "I need the bathroom," before trying to not to run away. He made sure no one else was in the restroom and locked himself in a stall. The voices were gone except the one that was screaming.

  
Jack clenched his teeth, "Shut up," he muttered. He closed his eyes, "Please stop screaming." His head was pounding and he felt dizzy. He sat on the toilet and put his head in his hands. He couldn't think through the screaming. It kept changing pitches, going from really high and screechy to deep and vibrating his brain. Jack felt something press on his chest and he couldn't breathe.

He opened his eyes, but he only saw darkness.


	6. Mark and Anti

Mark watched Jack stumble towards the bathroom with a frown on his face. He turned to Ethan, "Do you think he's okay?"

Ethan laughed, "Do you mean mentally or physically?"

Mark's eyebrows creased, "What do you mean? He's jet-lagged..... Right?"

Ethan shook his head, "You really haven't noticed? He's been acting weird the entire time he's been here. Something's up, I just can't quite put my finger on it."

Mark frowned and sat back, thinking. Could Ethan be right? Mark thought back to everything that had happened. When Mark had hugged him, Jack had reacted like someone had shot him. He had said he didn't like people touching him, that was it. That was all it was. It couldn't be anything else.

Mark had almost convinced himself when he remembered the first conversation they'd had over Skype when Mark had invited him to visit. Jack had been looking at something to the side of his screen. Maybe it was girlfriend? Mark was pretty sure they were still together. Jack had mentioned a few times in videos that he had a girlfriend, but he hadn't said anything about her for a while.

Mark tapped his fingers on the table. Jack had been gone an awfully long time for someone just using the bathroom.

After 20 minutes Mark asked, "Do you think he's okay? He's been gone a while, maybe I should check."

Ethan shook his head, "It's probably just the jet-lag, like you said."

Mark nodded, impatiently tapping his fingers on the table.

A few minutes later, Jack came limping out of the bathroom. He slid into his seat, his body seemed tired. Mark asked, "You okay?"

Jack's head kind of jerked up and he answered a little to quickly, "Yeah, great. Just had to go to the bathroom."

Mark nodded, though now he was worried. Ethan gave Mark a look, which Mark ignored. There was silence for a few minutes before Mark felt compelled to say something.

"How's your leg doing?"

Jack frowned and brought a hand down to it. "It's okay. I'm a little worried about it but it should be getting better."

Mark nodded, "You never really explained what happened."

Jack avoided his eye, "I was cutting vegetables and I got distracted. The knife slipped."

Mark winced in sympathy, "Oh, that's rough."

Jack didn't say anything. The awkward silence returned and Mark desperately tried to come up with anything to say.

"So.... How's your girlfriend?"

Jack flinched, which made Mark even more confused. Jack folded his arms over his chest, as though protecting something, "We um.... broke up a while ago."

"Oh..." Then who was he looking at during that Skype call??? "I'm sorry to hear that. When did that happen?"

Jack shrugged, arms still folded, and his eyes had a confused look in them as he spoke. "I don't really remember..."

Mark glanced at Ethan. Now he was really worried for Jack. There was silence for a few moments as Mark struggled to think of something to say.

"Well, uh... That sucks...."

Jack shrugged again, "Not really. It wasn't the healthiest relationship." Jack avoided his eyes as he said this.

"What do you mean?"

Jack froze and he started mumbling, "Just... It wasn't really.... She kinda.... I mean I kinda.... It just didn't work out...."

Ethan cut in, "Are you okay?"

Jack sighed, "Just tired." He smiled, though it looked a little forced, "I think I just need some more sleep."

Mark opened his mouth to demand the truth, but at that moment the waiter came over with their food. His mouth watered and he dug in instantly. He didn't see Jack stare at his food like it was a pile of shit, or pay attention to the fact that he wasn't really eating.

Mark and Ethan finished quickly and Jack said he'd take the rest back to Mark's. Mark paid after a long argument with Jack and they drove back to the house. Jack went straight to his room, saying he was tired.

"Believe me now?"

Mark looked at Ethan, "How did you notice? He seemed normal until tonight."

Ethan shrugged, "I just sort of pick up on these things."

Mark rubbed his eyes, "I don't know what to do. I don't know if he's depressed or what. Is it because of his girlfriend? He got really weird when he was taking about her."

Ethan shook his head, "I don't know Mark. I think you should get some sleep and talk to him tomorrow."

Mark nodded, "You're probably right. Thank you Ethan."

He hugged Ethan and slowly made his way to bed. He collapsed and closed his eyes. He was super happy Jack was here, but Ethan had made him very worried about Jack. What did he do? How could he help his friend? He had helped Ethan with his depression, but this felt different. Maybe it was because Jack lived so far away, but it could be something else. Mark fell asleep, these thoughts running through his head as he slept.

 

 

*************  
  


 

~~ _**Anti appeared in front of Jack, grinning.** _ ~~

_"How's it going buddy?"_

~~ _**Jack glared at him, "Please don't. Not now."** _ ~~

~~ _**Anti smiled.** _ ~~

_"Now what makes you think I would listen to you? My plan has worked perfectly. Now it's time to get rid of that pesky American you call your friend"_

~~ _**Anti had been planning this ever since Jack had met Mark. He knew that Jack liked Mark and he wanted to exploit that. He wanted to watch as Mark pushed Jack away, breaking his heart.** _ ~~

~~ _**"Please leave him alone. He never did anything to you," Jack begged.** _ ~~

~~ _**Anti felt rage consume him. His eyes glowed green and his knife appeared in his hand. He reached forward with his free hand and gripped Jack's face, roughly bringing it to his own.** _ ~~

_"He's done everything to me! That little shit had been corrupting your mind for too long. You belong to me!"_

~~ _**Anti hit his chest with his fist for emphasis. Jack needed to understand why he was doing this.** _ ~~

_"You belong to me, not him! YOU NEED TO SEE THAT BEFORE IT KILLS US! DO YOU HEAR ME?! YOU. BELONG. TO. ME!"_

~~ _**Anti threw Jack down to the ground. He could feel his rage swirling around him. It was time to get rid of Mark, once and for all. He pushed Jack against the ground and straddled his hips. He leaned forward, staring Jack in the eyes. He brought his head down next to Jack's ear and whispered.** _ ~~

_"Don't worry, he won't feel a thing"_

~~ _**He grinned. Without warning he bit Jack's neck hard, his fangs allowing him to break the skin easily. Jack whimpered below him as his teeth dug deeper and deeper. Jack's body twitched and Anti could feel Jack's life leaving him. Anti released his throat and pushed himself into Jack's body.** _ ~~

~~ _**The second he took control everything was quiet. Jack was trying to get back control, making Anti laugh.** _ ~~

_"Now now Jack, you know you are much too weak for that. Just sit back and enjoy the show"_

~~ _**Anti stood up and winced, forgetting about what he did to Jack's leg last time. He growled and roughly jerked his leg, feel the stitches rip. He smiled, that was better.** _ ~~

~~ _**Anti quickly made his way down to the kitchen. He hummed slightly as he looked through the drawers for a knife. He found one and grinned as he picked it up. Something felt off about it, it didn't feel real. Anti frowned, but eventually shrugged it off. He just wasn't use to having a body.** _ ~~

~~ _**He wandered around the house, forgetting which room was Mark's. He quietly opened door after door. Bathroom. Closet. Ahhh, Mark. Anti crept over to his bed. He looked at the gentle rise and fall of his chest, excited to see it stop.** _ ~~

~~ _**He raised the life high above Mark's body and felt euphoria rush though him. Nothing could stop him now. He couldn't resist a little jab at Jack.** _ ~~

_"Are you ready Jackaboy? I'm about to take away your boy toy"_

~~ _**Anti brought down the knife. Right before the knife tip touched Mark's chest, Anti felt a tug in his side and his vision went white.** _ ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wish I had friends to help me with my writing. I see people saying that their friend edited their works, I wish I had a friend to do that. I have a few ideas that I wish I could get feedback on before I post a chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> Questions? Comments? Concerns? Please comment, I love feedback!


	7. Chapter 7

Jack screamed as he tried again to take back control from Anti. Jack's body raised the knife in his hand high above his head, poised and ready to kill the sleeping Mark. Anti grinned, savoring the moment. He whispered out of Jack's mouth.

~~ _**Are you ready Jackaboy? I'm about to take away your boy toy** _ ~~

Jack sobbed silently, unable to do anything but watch as the knife tip plunged towards Mark's chest. Jack let out a broken scream right before the knife hit Mark's chest and suddenly, Jack had control again. Just the other two times, he fell to the ground and emptied the contents of his stomach onto the carpet by Mark's bed. The knife vanished when it hit the ground.

Jack could feel his body being to morph back into his own. He cried out as he felt some of his joints popped, pain washing over him. After the transformation, Jack couldn't move. The now familiar invisible force pressed down on him as he lay there.

Suddenly Jack saw Mark's worried face come in to his line of sight as he turned Jack onto his back. He could see Mark's mouth move, but he couldn't hear what he was saying. Mark checked him all over, trying to find what was wrong with him and Jack wished he could speak. Or hear. Or move at all.

But he couldn't. He could only watch as Mark freaked out above him. A few seconds later Ethan also came into view, the same worried look plastered on his face. Jack tried to stand up. He tried to move his arm, but it wouldn't go. He tried again, mentally screaming as he tried to just move his arm.

Mark picked him up and carried him out of the room. Jack wasn't paying attention to where he was going, Mark's arms were burning his body where they touched him. His throat let out a scream without his permission and Mark dropped him in shock.

"Jack? Jack? Oh fuck... Your leg..."

Jack tried to move again. His hearing had returned, but he still had no control over his body he started shaking violently. He vomited again and Mark yelled at Ethan.

"Call 911!"

Jack didn't understand what was happening. Why was he reacting so badly to Anti this time? Was it because Jack had kicked him out instead of being given back control?

He was being moved. The hands on his skin seared into his flesh and he let out another scream. He felt a pinch in his arm and everything went black.

 

* * *

 

_Unwanted hands roaming him. Touching him. Taking what's his and keeping it as theirs. Tears form in his eyes as he pleads, but to no avail._

_She continues her assault on him, talking. Talking about she deserves it. About how he deserves it._

_Hands. The hands never stop. On him, touching him. Controlling him._

_"Please stop," he manages through his hiccupping breaths. A slap to the face._

_"No," his hope shatters. He never wanted this._

  
_It happened again. Whatever she wanted, he had to do. He wasn't strong enough. He still loved her though, and she loved him. She told him so every night before they went to sleep. It made him happy. She loved him, and he needed her._

_Sometimes she would hit him and sometimes she would take advantage of him, but she always apologized. She would buy him chocolates and shower him in gifts bought with his own money. It was the thought that counted right?_

  
_He turned off the camera, not his best video, but good enough. He hears his name being yelled and he flinches._

_"Yes babe?" He calls back, mentally preparing himself for whatever he did wrong this time. The door flies open and Ruby comes storming in._

_"How many times have I told you not to leave your stupid plushies out of your fucking 'work' room?" She throws the Sam onto the ground and steps on it, "Next time I'm lighting it on fire."_

_"S-sorry babe, I won't do it again," Jack tried to steady his voice._

_"You know sorry isn't going to cut it," she walked towards him, "Get up."_

_"Please, I have a collab set for tomorrow w-with Mark and I don't-"_

_"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!" she grabbed the collar of his shirt and hauled him out of the chair. Holding him up to her face she continued yelling, "I TOLD YOU TO STOP TALKING TO MARK. BUT WHAT DID YOU DECIDE TO DO?"_

_Jack was shaking, "I-I-I just w-wanted to hang out w-with my friends."_

_She screamed and threw him down. "You're pathetic. You think your friends actually care about you? No. They're just using you, like I am."_

_Jack saw Anti creep into his line of vision, "Not now...."_

~~ **_Fuck off_ ** ~~

_Jack felt his mouth move, repeating Anti's words against his will, "Fuck off."_

_Ruby's voice turned quiet, "What did you just say to me?"_

~~ **_Get out of my house_ ** ~~

_"Get out of my house."_

~~ **_We're through_ ** ~~

_"We're through."_

_Ruby kicked him and Jack curled his body around his side, "Yeah right, you couldn't last a day without me."_

~~ **_Watch us_**~~

 

* * *

 

**What's that beeping?**

**Why does it smell weird?**

**What did you do?**

Jack groaned and opened his eyes. He felt weak and everywhere burned. There was a plain white ceiling above him. He squinted and turned his head to look around. He was in a hospital bed.

His heart sped up. "Shit... Fuck." What would Mark think? He brought a hand up to his forehead, finding it warm. He slowly sat up, feeling stiff, and unsure if he was going to vomit again.

The door opened and a doctor walked in, "Oh, you're awake. How are you feeling?"

Jack stared at him for a second, "Um, fine I guess. A little stiff."

The doctor nodded and looked at his chart, "Your friends said you were from Ireland which means we don't have access to any of your medical records without a signature from you." He handed Jack a clipboard with a form on it.

Jack sighed and signed it quickly. The doctor smiled, "We re-stitched up your leg, it looks like you over extended it during your psychotic episode and ripped the stitches."

Jack nodded mutely, trying not to flinch at the word "psychotic", too many bad memories. He vaguely remembered Anti doing that, but he didn't care about that right now. All he could think about was Mark. He turned his head to the doctor and asked, "Um... Can you.... not tell my friends what actually happened. Um... Like, patient doctor confidentiality type thing?"

The doctor nodded, "I won't say anything, but you will have to tell them something. They stayed here overnight, waiting for you wake up."

Jack nodded, relief flooding his body. That meant he could lie about what happened and they wouldn't find out. He managed to croak out a, "Thank you," to the doctor.

"You can have visitors now that you're awake, would you like me to send your friends in?"

Jack adjusted his pillows so he could comfortably sit up and nodded. The doctor left and Jack sat there, nervously kneading his hands together. The door opened and Jack stared intently at his hands.

There was silence, but Jack didn't dare look up. After a minute, a set of arms wrapped around Jack's body. Jack flinched and tried to get away but the arms just gripped him tighter. Jack felt tears form in his eyes and he hesitantly hugged Mark back, all muscles tensed. Mark held Jack for a few minutes before he pulled away.

"I was so worried. I didn't know what to do. I woke up and you were just on the floor, covered in vomit. I thought you were going to die."

Jack felt his throat constrict. Mark was worried for him, Mark still cared about him. He couldn't help but remember how his girlfriend had reacted to his first trip to the hospital after he had started living with her. To put it shortly, she hadn't been as kind and caring as Mark and after they had gotten home Jack had to go back to the hospital from "falling down the stairs."

Jack started crying, body shaking. Mark saw this and pulled Jack in for another hug. He sobbed into Mark's neck, letting out everything he had kept bottled up for so long. He hadn't ever cried about his girlfriend, or his parents. He had never cried about Anti, unless it was from the pain. He kept everything bottle up, putting on an overly energetic mask to hide his pain.

Mark let him cry it out. Jack clung to his shirt, needing the comfort of it, but hating himself for it. His sobbing turned to crying and eventually turned to shuddering breaths. Mark pulled away from the hug, "Better?"

Jack nodded, "I'm sorry. I-" Jack's lip trembled, "I ruined your shirt."

Mark shrugged, "I can get another shirt."

Jack nodded. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Mark sat down next to Ethan, who Jack hadn't noticed was there.

Mark spoke, "So what happened last night?"

Jack shrugged, "I don't know. My stomach suddenly hurt and it felt like someone was ripping my skull open. I don't even know how I got in your room." Jack's stomach twisted as he lied, he just hoped Mark believed him.

Mark frowned, "That doesn't sound good. Did the doctors say anything?"

Jack shook his head, "I had to sign a form so they could get me medical records from Ireland, but that's all they've said so far."

Mark nodded. His stomach growled loudly and his face went red.

Jack laughed, sniffled, and wiped his eyes. "You should eat. It sounds like you need it."

Mark looked embarrassed, "Yeah. Are you coming Ethan?"

Ethan shook his head, "I'll be there in a minute."

Mark nodded and left. Ethan stood up and walked over to Jack's bed. He looked nervous as he opened his mouth to speak, "That was a lie. You know what happened, I could tell."

Jack looked up at him, seeing him a new light. He had seriously underestimated Ethan. He shrugged and said, "You're right."

Ethan looked stunned, "Wha- okay. So what happened?"

Jack shook his head, "It doesn't matter. Go get some food with Mark."

"You can't keep everything to yourself Jack. Eventually you're going to break and when you do, it's not going to be pretty. We aren't meant to keep everything in. And you can't keep things from Mark. He really cares about you," Ethan said before turning and leaving.

Jack stared after him. Mark cared about him? His heart beat painfully in his chest. Someone cared..... about Jack? That's not possible. Ethan must be confused. Jack nodded to himself, Ethan was definitely confused.

The doctor walked in with a new chart. He started talking, but Jack wasn't really paying attention. There were a lot of long medical words that Jack didn't really understand, but some of them sounded familiar.

The doctor checked his IV, said something about pills, and left. Mark and Ethan came back in a few minutes after he left.

"The doctor said you could leave soon. How are you feeling?" Mark asked.

Jack shrugged, "Fine? I don't know. I don't feel sick anymore."

The doctor came in and handed Jack a paper cup of water and a small plastic cup with some pills in it. Jack didn't bother asking what they were and downed them instantly. The doctor wrote something on the chart by his bed and said, "You're free to go now. Be careful not to pull your stitches."

Jack nodded, "Thank you." He stood up from the bed, grunting as he put weight on his leg. He tried walking to the door, but his leg stopped him. The doctor let him borrow him a pair of crutches and Jack made his way to Mark's car.

The drive back to Mark's was silent. Jack felt terrible. He came to visit Mark, only to have one of his worst episodes yet.

"I'm sorry."

Mark glanced back at him, "For what? It's not your fault you're sick."

Jack bit his lip, not trusting himself to say anything. Mark parked the car and offered to help Jack into the house.

"I'm fine, I can walk," as he said this, Jack's leg collapsed from underneath him. Mark caught him and laughed.

_~~Pins and needles~~ _

"Sure you can. Come on," Mark put Jack's arm around his neck to support him. Jack limped to the house as quickly as he could, hating being so helpless.

Jack sat on the couch and Mark asked, "Hungry? You didn't eat at the hospital."

Jack nodded, "Starving."

**You should starve**

**Don't eat**

**Not worthy**

Jack sat back, relaxing into the couch. His thigh burned worse than it ever had, even when he had first been stabbed. Mark brought him food and Jack ate it quickly. He ate all of it and his stomach hurt afterwards, not use to having so much.

Mark gave him a small smile, "I guess this puts off the videos seeing as you can't walk..."

Jack shook his head. Quickly swallowing the food in his mouth, Jack said, "I want to do them. I don't care if it hurts, I can walk. Please, don't let me ruin this."

Mark sighed and sat down next to him, "Jack, your leg won't support you weight. We can't do them if you can't stand."

Jack's heart sank. He buried his face in his hands, "I'm so sorry Mark. This is all my fault. My stupid leg, fucking An-" Jack slapped a hand over his mouth. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling hard to calm himself down. He was a mess and he needed to pull himself together before he fucked everything up even more.

Mark looked at him for a minute, confused. He tried rubbing Jack's back in an attempt to be comforting. Jack freaked out and fell off the couch in his scramble to get away.

Mark yanked his hand back, "Shit I'm sorry. I forgot you don't like being touched."

Jack had to force himself not to break down. He smiled, despite how much he didn't want to, "It's fine."

Mark sighed, "Your leg isn't your fault though. Everyone has accidents."

Jack laughed bitterly, "Yeah, accidents."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mark sounded worried. Jack couldn't bring himself to answer so he just shook his head. Mark sighed and sat back. Jack stared at the black screen of the TV. He jumped when Mark spoke.

"Well if we can't record the other videos, at least we can record a gaming video," Mark got up and turned on the TV. He chose a random game Jack had never played and waited as it loaded.

Jack scooted over to Mark. He grabbed the controller Mark offered him and listen as Mark explained the mechanics. They went through a few rounds until Jack knew what he was doing, then the started recording.

"Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and today....."


	8. Mark

"I'm really worried about him. Now that you pointed it out to me, he's acting really weird. Earlier I barely touched him and he totally freaked out. He fell off the couch trying to get away from me."

Jack had just gone to sleep, refusing help and sliding on his butt the entire way to his room because of his leg. Mark had cornered Ethan in the kitchen to ask for help; Jack's behavior was really started to freak Mark out and he didn't know what to do.

"What do you want me to do about it? He's more your friend than he is mine, if he listened to anyone it would be you," Ethan put a hand on Mark's shoulder, "Just talk to him. Ask him what's wrong."

Mark sat down and started bouncing his leg rapidly, "Why would he listen to me first? That doesn't make sense."

"Just think Mark. You were the only person who could get him to visit. We've all tried, but when you tried he said yes almost too fast," Ethan pointed out.

Mark furrowed his eyebrows, "Yeah but that was..... Weird. I don't know. It's almost like.... Nevermind." It's almost like someone had told Jack to visit, but that didn't make sense. He lived alone.

Ethan rolled his eyes, "Sure it was. Just talk to him tomorrow."

With that, Ethan left, leaving Mark to his thoughts.

"Just talk to him, my ass," Mark muttered, putting his head in his hands, elbows on the counter. He closed his eyes for a second and when he opened them again, light was streaming from the window. Mark groaned as he sat up, rubbing a knot out of his neck.

He sighed, thinking about what Ethan had said last night. He really should just talk to Jack. He stretched and stood up, hurrying down the hall before he could doubt himself. He knocked quietly on Jack's door and whispered through the crack, "Jack? You awake?"

"Yeah come in."

Mark took a deep breath and opened the door. Jack was sitting on the bed with one pant leg pulled down. He was changing the bandages on his leg. Mark recoiled when he saw the injury, "Holy shit. That looks really deep."

Jack didn't look at him, "Yeah, it went in pretty far. It also got infected so it looks a lot worse than it should."

Something felt off about Jack's injury, but Mark couldn't quite place it. He shrugged it off and sat next to Jack on the bed, "So um... I've just been thinking. Uh, well.... I was just thinking that you agreed to visit pretty quickly and um, it's just that since you've never visited before I guess I just thought it was a little odd......." Mark trailed off when he saw the look on Jack's face. He looked terrified.

Jack stared at the ground for a minute. He didn't say anything. After wrapping his leg back up, he looked back at Mark, "I-" he stopped to cough and paused again, "I don't know what you're asking."

"I just don't understand. I'm glad you came, don't get me wrong, I just don't know why you did."

Jack sighed and shrugged, "Neither did I. It wasn't my choice- and before you say that doesn't make sense, I know it doesn't, okay? I just can't... I can't tell you." Jack looked down and picked at his fingernails.

Mark felt bad for pushing Jack and decided to try again later instead of pushing it more now. "Okay," he said quietly.

They sat there for a while in silence. Mark tried thinking of something to say, but he couldn't think of anything. Thankfully, Jack broke the silence for him.

"So, what video are we filming today?"

 

  
Filming while Jack couldn't walk was a lot harder than Mark had expected. He kept insisting he was fine and falling when he tried to stand. They eventually got through the video, and it wasn't half bad.

They decided to go to a different place for dinner. Mark offered to drive and they quickly got arranged in the car. The drive over was loud and full of bad dad jokes. Jack was finally feeling comfortable it seemed, and that made Mark unbelievably happy. He really cared about Jack in way he didn't for his other friends.

They got seated by a waiter who frowned at Jack as he clutched the wall to hold himself up. Mark and Ethan sat on one side of the booth and Jack sat on the other side. After ordering, Ethan went to the bathroom to wash his hands, leaving Jack and Mark alone. Mark couldn't stop thinking about earlier and the guilt gnawing at his stomach forced him to say something.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have said anything and I didn't mean to make you upset."

"It's fine. I get it." Jack's clipped tone showed how uncomfortable he was. Mark just nodded, feeling the same awkwardness. They sat in silence, looking anywhere but at each other.

Finally Ethan came back from the bathroom, saving them both. The food arrived shortly after and they all dug in. Well, Mark and Ethan did. Mark noticed Jack looking at his food in a weird way.

"You okay Jack?"

Jack jumped answering a little quickly, "Yeah, fine, great. Yep." He picked up his fork and started shoveling food into his mouth.

Mark didn't push it. Despite Jack's incredibly odd behavior, he was still entitled to his private thoughts. The food was incredibly good and Mark made a mental note to eat here more often. Mark paid and they all walked back to the car.

Mark had to help Jack to the car. Jack started breathing heavily the second Mark touched him. After Mark had started the car he had to ask, "Why do you hate people touching you so much? You freak out everytime I try to help you, even though you can't walk."

"I didn't freak out just now..." Jack pointed out.

Mark rolled his eyes, "You did, you just hid it better. Your breathing gave you away."

Jack was quiet. Mark glanced back in the mirror and saw him staring at the floor of the car. Mark put his eyes back on the road and waited quietly.

Out of nowhere Jack spoke in a whisper so quiet, Mark thought he had imagined it, "Ever since my girlfriend..... left...... being touched by other people just kinda...... hurts?"

Mark looked back again and saw a tear roll down Jack's cheek before being brushed roughly away. Mark hesitated but couldn't stop himself from asking, "What happened? Between you and your girlfriend. You seemed so happy together whenever she was in videos, so something must have happened."

Jack looked out the window, "We looked happy, but we weren't. It wasn't a very healthy relationship."

"You said that before. What do you mean by it 'wasn't healthy'? Did you fight a lot?"

Jack nodded slowly, "Yeah. You could say that. She um.... she got mad a lot."

Mark had a sudden realization. His mouth dropped open and horror flooded his chest, "Did she hit you?"

Jack's eyes dropped to the ground and he fiddled with something Mark couldn't see, "N-no. She wouldn't do that," he said, but Mark knew instantly he was lying. Anger flooded Mark, anger at Jack's girlfriend.

"Why didn't you tell someone? We would have helped you Jack."

Jack shook his head violently and he laughed bitterly, "How could you have helped? I didn't even think I needed help, I was such a fucking idiot. I don't know why I'm even telling you this, it's not like it will change anything."

Mark's heart felt heavy. He couldn't think of anything to say. Guilt and anger clouded his thoughts as he pulled into the driveway of his house. He should have known. How could he not have noticed? It all seemed so obvious now, the badly covered bruises, the unexplained broken limbs, Jack's behavior, everything.

Mark helped Jack back into the house. The second he touched Jack he felt bad, but there was no other way for him to get into the house because of the stairs leading up to his door.

He let go of Jack when they got in the door, allowing him to go where he wanted. Jack struggled his way to the couch and sank into it, obviously exhausted. Mark sat down next to him.

It was getting dark outside, which reminded Mark of a video idea he'd had for Jack.

"I don't know if you're up for it tonight, but I had this idea for a night time video. It wouldn't take too much effort, I was thinking we'd start-"

Jack was already up, "I'm ready now. Let's go."

Mark blinked in surprise, "Oh, okay yeah!"

He quickly ran upstairs to grab the few things they'd need. He explained his idea as he helped Jack outside. He made his way over to his van and patted it proudly, "And here's my lovely van," he opened the side and gave Jack a quick tour, "Fridge, TV, seats, Chica's bed, and my makeshift bed."

Jack laughed, "Nice ride."

"Thanks."

Jack carefully pulled himself inside the van and Mark handed him the camera, "Call out when you're ready and the camera's on. Know what to do?"

Jack nodded and Mark closed him inside. He smiled to himself, happy to finally be using this video idea. It had been on the back burner for a while, but Mark was excited about it.

Mark heard Jack call out and he took a deep breath, "Action time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would love any comments


	9. Chapter 9

Jack grunted with the effort of getting himself down the stairs. Mark stood at the bottom, watching him with a worried expression. He had offered his help, but Jack couldn't take that much contact again. He was honestly surprised he had managed as much as he already did; the hug at the hospital had taken a lot out of him.

When he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, Mark turned and led him to the kitchen.

"After the amount of effort that took, I'm guessing you're hungry? I could make you some eggs if you want," Mark offered.

Jack sat down with a sigh of relief and smiled at Mark, "That sounds wonderful, thank you."

Mark nodded. He pulled out some eggs and said as he cracked them into a bowl, "I hope you're okay with scrambled. They're the easiest."

He whisked the eggs, added a little milk, then whisked them a little more. He turned on the stove and sprayed a pan before pouring the eggs into the pan and turning back to Jack.

With a smile on his face Mark asked, "What do you want to do today? You're probably not ready to do anything physical yet, but I was thinking maybe we could just do some sort of challenge."

Jack shrugged, "I'll do anything. You're the pro here, I only do gaming videos."

Mark rolled his eyes, "You've done other things than just gaming. What about the whole Anti thing? Those aren't all gaming."

Jack shrugged, "Yeah but those don't really count, they're more- I don't know...."

~~ _**Nice going idiot** _ ~~

**Yeah, idiot**

Jack saw Anti sneer at the voice who had copied him and he got the odd sense of floating for a minute. When he came back, Mark was looking at him weirdly, "Did you hear me?"

Jack sighed and shook his head sadly, "Sorry, no I didn't. What'd you say?"

"I just asked why Anti videos were different. They don't seem that different to me."

"Oh, um..." Jack racked his brain for a reason, and tried hard to not let his voice waver "Well, you know it's just like your Dark videos, they aren't really the same. I don't know how to explain it."

Mark looked at him for a minute before shrugging, "I guess. But they still aren't gaming videos."

He turned back to the eggs and Jack moved his eyes back to where Anti was standing next to him. Trying to be too quiet for Mark to hear, Jack whispered, "What did you just do to me?"

Anti grinned at him and Jack shrank back, scared. Anti leaned in and hissed at Jack.

~~ _**I killed him** _ ~~

Jack's eyebrows knit and he asked, "Who?"

~~ _**The idiot that spoke after me** _ ~~

Jack swallowed, his throat suddenly dry.

"How can you kill a voice?"

Mark looked over at him, "What'd you say?"

Jack quickly shook his head, eyes glued on Anti, who didn't answer, "I didn't say anything."

He dragged his eyes away from Anti and focused on the table. Mark set the plate of eggs in front of him and Jack forced himself to act normal as they ate.

 

They filmed a little here and there, but most of the day was spent relaxing. Jack tried not to do anything that would be considered weird, but ever since Anti had apparently killed that voice, something had felt off. Jack couldn't quite place it. There wasn't any way to explain it except that nothing seemed right. Speaking felt weird, so did breathing and walking. Mark noticed and kept asking him what was wrong, but Jack just shook him off. He wouldn't understand.

Jack went to sleep early that night, whatever Anti had done making him really tired. He slept until sometime around midnight when he was awakened by a heavily glitching, very angry Anti with glowing eyes.

~~ _**Get up** _ ~~

"No."

Jack's heart raced, waking him up fully. Why did he say that? Why didn't he just stand up? Why did he hate himself?

Anti raised his eyebrow.

~~ _**What. Did. You. Just. Say. To. Me?** _ ~~

"I said no."

Did he have a death wish? What was happening?

~~ _**Let me rephrase. Get up or I'm going to kill you, but not before I make sure you feel the pain of a thousand deaths and beg me to kill you, like the little bitch you are** _ ~~

Jack's lip trembled as he slowly stood up. Anti smiled.

Then there's pain. Anti's teeth, pulling, gnashing. Tearing into him. He's drowning and floating in the pain. It lasts seconds, or is it hours? He can't tell.

Anti lets go. Jack scrambles away as fast as he can and throws a glance over his shoulder at Anti. He's just standing there, watching him. His eyes flicker to the door and a smirk grows on his lips.

Jack turns and stumbles towards his door. Anti appears in between him and the door, grinning.

~~ _**Are you going to run away again?** _ ~~

Jack sprints past him and out of his room, ignoring the agony ripping through his leg and the rest of his body. He just needs to get away, he just needs.....

 

*********

 

Mark woke up to someone frantically knocking on his door. He stood up and pulled the door open with an irritated, "What?"

Jack stood in front of him. He threw a paranoid look over his shoulder and Mark could tell something was wrong.

"Jack? What happened?"

Mark looked into Jack's eyes and saw pure terror. He closed the door behind Jack as he stumbled into the room and started rambling.

"He's coming..... I can't get away from him this time. He's going to kill me. He's going to kill you. He- last time he almost- but he didn't.... He couldn't. I stopped him, somehow." Jack suddenly turned and grabbed Mark's shoulders, "But how? How did I do it?"

"Jack," Mark's voice shook, "What are you talking about? Who's trying to kill you?"

"Anti. Who else?"

Mark sighed, "Anti isn't real. This isn't funny Jack."

Jack fell to the ground like he had been pushed and yelled, "Mark!"

Mark was bewildered. What was happening? Was Jack going crazy?

Jack was crying on the ground. He rolled onto his back and went limp, staring at the ceiling with a dazed look on his face. Mark cautiously crouched next to him. He reached out to touch Jack, jumping back when Jack's right hand came up for a second before falling back down again.

"Jack.... You're scaring me."

Jack's eyes rolled back into his head and he spoke, but his voice was an octave too deep.

"....Mark....."

Was this what happened earlier when Jack went to the hospital? Was he still sick? Should Mark call an ambulance again? Mark's head swirled with what he should do. Jack wasn't okay, that much was clear. Should he wake up Ethan? That seemed like his best bet; Ethan always knew what to do.

He glanced at Jack uncertainly. He'll be fine for a few minutes, right? Mark quickly opened the door and sprinted down the hall to where Ethan had been staying the past week Jack had been here.

Mark knocked loudly on the door, "Ethan? Wake up!"

Ethan opened the door a few seconds later, looking tired and angry, "What the hell Mark? It's basically midnight!"

"I know, I'm sorry. It's Jack. He came into my room all freaked out talking about how Anti was going to kill him, then he passed out. I don't know what to do."

Ethan pressed his palm into his eye and groaned, "Oh god... Okay. You should wait a little and see if he wakes up soon. If he doesn't wake up in an hour or so you should call 911 again."

Mark nodded, "Yeah, okay.... Okay."

He hurried back to his room, closing the door behind him. He heard Ethan yell his name angrily, so he called back, "Thank you Ethan!" He heard a door slam and he turned his attention back to Jack.

Mark felt like he had to do something now. He wanted to put Jack in his bed, but when remembered how much Jack hated being touched, he decided not to.

Mark paced the room, checking the time every two minutes, counting exactly how long Jack was out. "Wake up Jack...."

Mark checked the time again. Jack had been out for 48 minutes. He paced a few more times.

Behind him, Jack's eyes snapped open and he took a large gulp of air and started couching roughly. Mark spun around, "Jack, what happened? Are you okay? Do you need me to call an ambulance? The police? Your parents? What happened?"

Jack used the wall to drag himself into a sitting position. He shook his head at Mark in an answer to his questions. He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed heavily, like he had been running. Mark let him catch his breath.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly, I shouldn't have woken you up."

Mark crossed his arms, "Yeah, I could tell you weren't thinking clearly. You said Anti was trying to kill you, but Anti isn't real. Anti is a character."

Jack flinched, "I know Anti isn't real. I-I know." Jack's eyes were closed and he seemed to be in pain.

Anger rose in Mark, "Then why did you say he was trying to kill you? You need to be honest with me Jack, I want to help you. I can't... I hate being helpless like this. Something is obviously wrong with you. Are you sick?"

Jack laughed bitterly, "You could say that. Sick in the head at least."

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!" Mark took a deep breath to try and calm himself and said through gritted teeth, "I'm sorry. But I can't deal with you lying to me anymore. You need to tell me the truth!"

Jack stood up angrily, catching himself on the wall and clutching his side as he yelled, "I'll tell you the truth Mark! You were right, I am sick. My mind has been fucked ever since I was 15 and I stared seeing Anti." Jack was shaking with anger, "I have schizophrenia, is that what you wanted to hear?? It the truth, just like you asked."

Mark's anger evaporated in an instant, "Jack..."

Jack glared at him, "I know what you're going to say. Don't worry, I'll leave."

Jack turned and ran out of the room, not even limping. Mark ran after him. Jack sprinted to his room, grabbed his suitcase and began stuffing things randomly inside.

"Jack... Jack, please stop. I just want to talk."

Jack turned to him, "Shut up Mark! Just shut up! You've done enough damage for tonight. I'm flying home. Don't want to overstay my welcome." Jack snarled and stormed past with his bag.

Mark followed him to the door, pleading the whole way, "Jack I'm sorry, I was just sick of knowing I was being lied to. Please don't leave, Jack. Jack......"

Jack ignored him and opened the door. Before he couldn't shut it Mark tried one last time, "Please, Sean."

Jack froze. Mark felt hope as he thought he had finally managed to get through to him.

Jack turned to face him slowly, his voice was quiet and threatening, "Do _not_ call me Sean."

Mark took a step back, "I'm sorry, I d-"

Jack seemed to have lost it. His eyes wide, screaming at the top of his lungs, "MY NAME IS JACK! SEAN IS GONE. HE'S GONE AND HE'LL NEVER BE BACK!! LEAVE ME ALONE MARK!"

Mark stood in the doorway long after Jack slammed it in his face. He wasn't quite sure what had happened, and he didn't know if he'd ever understand. Ethan had heard the screaming and come downstairs. He had to physically drag Mark away from the door and to the couch.

Mark just wanted Jack to come back. He didn't know what to do, it was too late for action. He just sat on the couch in shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, get ready for a lot of emotions and terrible dialogue these next few chapters. A lot of shit is going to happen, and it's going to a beautiful mess, if my writing is any good at least. I hope I'm getting my ideas across correctly.
> 
>  
> 
> Comments? Please? Por favor? Bitte?


	10. Chapter 10

Jack stared out the window of the plane, numb. He had just ruined everything with Mark.

Why did he have to tell Mark the truth? Jack felt a pit begin in his stomach, the familiar sinking feeling of anxiety settling down. Would Mark tell people? Jack tried to shake it off. If Mark tried to tell anyone, Jack would just say he's crazy. People would believe him over Mark, right?

**Hard to believe you when you don't believe yourself**

**Lying bastard**

Jack sighed and sank into his seat. He had a long day ahead of him, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't fall asleep. There was no doubt in his mind that Mark hated him now. He was just a psycho; he didn't deserve friends, least of all someone as amazing as Mark.

 

Hours later, Jack arrived back in Ireland. He drove straight to his house and threw his bag on his bed. He pulled out his phone, hovering his thumb above the airplane mode button to turn it off. He knew he'd have texts from Mark, and he didn't particularly want to see them. His hands started shaking as he thought about all of the things Mark would say.

He would hate Jack. It was the only possible outcome for how badly Jack had just fucked up. He must be so angry at Jack for all the shit Jack put him through.

Jack took a deep breath and dropped his phone. He closed his eyes and smashed it with the heel of his shoe. He would email the phone company in the morning and ask for a new phone and a different number, but he never wanted to see what Mark had said to him. He couldn't take it.

Jack swept up the glass and put it in the trash. He threw himself at his bed and slept, half hoping he would never wake.

 

The next morning, Jack couldn't bring himself to get out of bed. He lay there, drowning in misery, until the light outside became too bright to bare.

After making himself a cup of coffee, Jack sat at his desk, thinking about what he should record. He had so many options, but none of them felt right. None of them felt as fun as they use to be. Jack sighed and decided he would just upload pre-recorded videos for a few extra days until he could fully shake off Mark.

He stared at his computer monitor for a few minutes. As he stared, a notification popped up that Mark was calling him on Skype. Jack stood up and walked away from the computer.

Did Mark really think he would answer that Skype call? After what had happened and with what Mark was probably planning on saying, Mark should know Jack better than that.

Jack went on to YouTube and checked his subscriptions. When he came across Mark's video he hovered over the unsubscribe button, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't hate, or even dislike Mark. He clicked on the video and watched the entire thing, down to the last second. When the video ended Jack realized he was crying. He didn't want Mark to hate him, he wanted their friendship back. Mark meant so much to him at this point, Jack wasn't sure if he could take being hated by him. Would this be the blow that finally broke him? Has Anti already won?

Another part of the reason he watched all of Mark's video was fear. He dreaded to think about the fact that Mark could easily make a video about Jack, or release the videos they recorded earlier that week. Would he say something? Jack could only hope he didn't; it would ruin him.

He barely managed to drag himself back to his bed and cry himself to sleep. Again.

 

A week passed, and Jack didn't do anything. He didn't eat, he didn't record, he didn't get a new phone. All he did was cry and sleep, drowning himself in his regret and mistakes. His leg got better, he could almost walk properly now, but it didn't matter because he didn't have anywhere to walk.

Today was different though, because Jack had run out of pre-recorded videos to upload, meaning he either had to record or go on hiatus. Jack managed to sit up and get himself out of bed and through a shower before sitting down in his usual chair.

Jack sighed and turned on the camera. He couldn't muster the energy to yell his usual intro so he just said it, "Top of the morning to you laddies. I really hate to make this video, but as some of you have noticed, the videos this past week were all recorded a while ago. I have some personal things happening in my life right now, so uploads are going to be pretty rare right now." Jack paused and took a deep breath, "I hate taking a break like this, but I really just need some time. I should be back to normal in a week or two. Hopefully. High fives all around. Thank you and I will see all you dudes in the next video."

Jack turned off the camera and uploaded the video without editing it. At this point, he really didn't care about what people thought, he just couldn't muster the will to make videos.

Feeling slightly energized by getting something done, Jack opened his email and quickly sent one to phone company asking them to turn off his phone and get him a new number. He knew he should have done that days ago when he first broke it, but he had been too lazy. Luckily, the company responded immediately, saying they already deactivated the phone and would be sending him another in a few days. Jack sighed in relief, he really needed his phone back.

Jack got up from his desk and made his way to the kitchen. He stood, staring at the refrigerator and contemplating his options. He hadn't eaten anything in two days by his count, but he didn't really feel hungry. Jack closed the door, giving up on eating, and nearly jumped out of his skin as Anti appeared in front of him.

~~ _**Aww, poor Jackaboy. Missing your little friend?** _ ~~

Jack glared at him and mumbled, "Not now Anti. Just leave me alone."

Anti eyes glowed for a second and it looked like he was going to be angry, but after a second he relaxed.

~~ _**I'll let you off the hook because you're sad, but remember who is in charge here. You need to eat something** _ ~~

Jack frowned, "Since when do you care what I do? You're usually on the side of me not eating, what changed?"

~~ _**You did** _ ~~

Jack opened his mouth to ask what he meant, but he faded before Jack could get any words out. Jack rolled his eyes and turned back to look at his food options again. He grabbed a box of stale crackers and flopped onto the couch in the next room.

Unsurprisingly, the stale crackers did not taste good, and Jack only managed to eat a few before throwing them away. Bored, Jack wandered into his work room and logged onto YouTube. There were already hundreds of comments on his video, all positive

"Aww, it's okay Jack. Take all the time you need, we love you."

"I hope everything turns out okay, whatever the problems is"

"Is Jack okay? He doesn't look like good. Is he sick?"

"We need to help Jack!!! He looks so sad"

A small smile formed on Jack's face as he read some of the comments. He felt bad for worrying his audience, but it was nice to know they cared. Suddenly feeling like crying, Jack pressed his palms into his eyes and took a deep breath, holding it in his chest until it ached.

Jack scrolled through his feed. He clicked on a few videos, not really paying too much attention to them until something Mark uploaded caught his eye. Jack's heart jumped to his throat and he held his breath as he clicked on the video entitled "An Apology to a Close Friend".

 

 

Mark had just watched the newest video Jack posted where he announced he had to take a break and he was concerned.The video was less than a minute long and Jack had looked like shit. Mark was desperate for Jack to respond to him at this point. He clicked on Jack's name in the contacts of his phone. Jack hadn't answered any of his Skype calls, even though Mark could see Jack was online. Mark had texted, but received no answer.

Mark held the phone up to his ear and waited. It rang a few times then an automated voice said, "I'm sorry. This number has been deactivated. Please..."

Mark ended the call. Jack had changed his phone number. "What the hell Jack?" Mark muttered under his breath as he threw his phone against his bed in anger. How was he supposed to get a hold of Jack now?

An idea popped into Mark's head. If Jack still watched his videos, maybe he could contact Jack that way? But then the whole world would be able to see the videos, and Mark was sure that Jack would not want that.

Mark quickly set up the studio for a sit down vlog video and pressed record. He didn't really have a plan so he just made everything up as he went.

"Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier. This is not going to be a normal video, as you can probably tell. I am making this video for one person, and one person only. I want to respect their privacy so I am not going to share their name, but they will know who they are when they see this. Feel free to click off this video, it won't be very interesting."

Mark took a deep breath and continued, "To the person I am talking about I want to say a few things. First and most importantly, I don't care about what you said. I was angry and I felt... I thought you were hiding things from me, and now that I know what they are, or were, I.... I acted horribly. I can't reach you any other way, you won't answer me, so I did what I had to. I really care about you and I want to talk to you. Please, please just give me that chance. I don't hate you, I could never hate you."

Mark stopped talking, unsure of what to say after that. How did he even know if Jack would watch this video?

"You are my best friend and I don't want to let go of that because of some stupid misunderstanding. I know that there will always be some things I don't understand, like how you could live with secrets that big and not tell anyone. I- everyone would have supported you and helped you. There's nothing else I can say to convince you to talk to me, I just hope you see this and can forgive me, because I am sorry. I didn't show how much you meant to me until it was too late. I am so, so sorry."

Mark turned off the camera and sat down to edit. It didn't take long and Mark set it to upload with the title of "An Apology to a Close Friend". The only thing left to do was wait, and hope Jack would watch it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where this fic is going. I have short term goals for each chapter, but no bigger plan.
> 
> Criticism is welcome, please comment. Please.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of the math doesn't really work out with when Jack started YouTube and a few other things, but just pretend it does.

Jack clicked out of the video and stared at the computer screen, processing what he had just seen. This couldn't be happening. Mark wouldn't, Mark couldn't be forgiving him. He wasn't seriously apologizing to Jack, it had to be a trick. Or a joke. Or maybe it was about someone else entirely?

**Typical, only thinking of yourself**

**Selfish bastard**

**Disappointing**

**Why would he be talking about _you_?**

Jack sighed, of course Mark wasn't talking about him. He had said that whoever he was talking to was his best friend, and that was definitely not Jack. Feeling like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, Jack logged into Skype.

It felt like someone was sitting on his chest. It was hard to breathe through the pain of the sadness and loneliness. He couldn't live not knowing, but if Mark was lying, or talking about someone else..... Jack didn't even want to finish that thought.

Jack's vision swam as he realized he was holding his breath, but he couldn't make himself stop. His lip trembled as he slowly moved the mouse and called Mark. The sound rang out, harsh and unforgiving. This was a bad idea.

The sound stopped and Mark's face appeared on screen, "Jack! I-"

Jack ended the call. The room spun and the only thing Jack could feel was his heart pounding. Was he breathing? Was he dying? Did he care? Where was he?

The Skype call sounded again, this time with Jack on the other side of it. Jack wasn't going to answer it, he really wasn't. He grabbed the mouse and moved to reject the call, but his hand slipped, he swears it just slipped.

Jack started babbling as soon as he saw Mark's face, tears streaming freely down his face, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Mark. I fucked up. I didn't- I just don't-" Jack hiccupped, "I'm such a mess and I brought all that to you. You probably hate me now and I don't want you to hate me, I don't want you to hate me because I really like you, Mark. You're basically my only friend and I f- I fucked it up so badly!" Jack's silent crying turned to full on sobbing and he couldn't talk through the awful noises coming out of his throat. He buried his face in his hands and didn't look up.

"Jack.... Jack.... I don't hate you. Please stop crying, you didn't do anything wrong. It was all me being nosey and ignorant. I didn't pay attention to all of the signs of what was happening with you, or what happened with your girlfriend. You must have thought I didn't care, but I do, Jack. I care about you so much."

Jack only cried harder, overwhelmed with emotions he couldn't begin to describe. He was confused, sad, hopeful, terrified, happy, anxious, and frustrated. He didn't know how to control himself or what to say, or do. He wanted Mark to keep talking, but all he wanted was to be alone to deal with his emotions properly.

Mark seemed at a loss too because he didn't say anything. Or maybe he did and Jack just didn't hear. Jack cried for a solid 20 minutes before he ran out of tears. His eyes were red and puffy and his throat ached, but his mind was a little clearer.

He slowly lifted his head to look at Mark. He sighed, "I'm sorry Mark, you don't deserve this."

Jack reached over to end the call, but Mark saw what his plan was and said in a stern voice, "Sean William McLoughlin. If you end this call I swear I will fly to Ireland to kick your ass."

Jack flinched a little when he heard his given name, but let out a small laugh and sniffed, "You don't know where in Ireland I live."

Mark smiled but spoke with dead seriousness, "I would search the entire country to find you."

Jack's throat constricted and he couldn't think of anything to say. Mark was staring at him with such and earnest expression. Jack looked away and Mark started talking again.

"So, um.... Want to talk about any of it? I don't know if it'd help or not."

Jack shrugged and adjusted in the chair to make himself more comfortable. As he brought his knees up to his chest and rested his feet on the chair, he spoke, "I've never really talked about it. I never really had anyone that cared enough."

Mark frowned, "Your parents didn't care?"

Jack shook his head. His mouth was dry and he was suddenly too warm. His voice dropped to a whisper, "They were afraid of me. My dad... my dad thought I was making everything up."

Mark obviously didn't know what to say, so Jack kept talking, "They kicked me out when I was 19 because I was too much for them. I had to live with my girlfriend because I didn't have enough money to live alone, but my girlfriend didn't really want me to live there and she made it very obvious. I don't know why she stayed with me when she didn't love me, but it was better than living alone."

Mark looked like he wanted to say something so Jack stopped talking, but Mark stayed quiet. Jack sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, "I don't really want to talk about it right now. I'm kinda tired. Can I just call you later?"

Mark nodded, "Of course. Isn't it pretty late there anyway?"

Jack glanced at the clock on his screen, "It's only 11."

"You should sleep. Goodnight, Jack."

Jack just smiled and gave Mark a little wave before ending the call. Immediately, his face dropped into a frown and he felt like crying again. He wanted to be open with Mark, but he knew that if he told the full truth, no matter how much Mark believed he wouldn't, Mark would leave him.

~~ _**Feeling better Jackaboy?** _ ~~

Jack slowly spun his chair around to look at Anti, who was standing in the doorway of the room. Jack only shrugged in response and held his breath in anticipation.

Anti tilted his head and squinted at Jack for a moment before shrugging back. Confused, Jack stood up. Anti moved slightly to let Jack pass him, then followed Jack to his room.

Jack lay down and didn't move for a while, waiting for Anti to go away before he fell asleep, but Anti never moved from his position in the corner of the room. Eventually, the silence became too much and Jack sat up, "Are you just going to stand there all night?"

Anti shrugged.

~~ _**I was going to sit down eventually** _ ~~

Jack opened his mouth, but no sounds came out. He lay back down and tried hard to get to sleep, but all he could think about was Anti's odd behavior. The night slowly, Jack would glance at the clock every few minutes, then shift to try to get comfortable. Lack of sleep starting to get to him, Jack became angry at himself for not falling asleep, which really didn't help.

At one point, Jack got up to go to the bathroom and Anti followed. When Jack locked him outside, he just reappeared inside the room. Jack, irritated, asked him, "Do you mind?"

~~ _**Not really** _ ~~

Jack grit his teeth and tried to keep his voice level, "Can I have a little privacy please?" Anti doubled over with laughter at that.

~~ _**I've seen it before. I am literally you, no need to be embarrassed** _ ~~

Jack hesitantly turned away from him and did his business. It was a little disconcerting to have Anti staring at him, but he did his best to ignore it. Anti followed him back to his room where Jack failed to sleep once again.

When the clock reached 5:30 am, Jack accepted his fate and gave up trying to sleep. He was exhausted and didn't want to do anything. Jack walked quietly to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee, but found that he was out. Biting back a curse, Jack began the search for clean clothes.

He managed to find a wrinkled shirt and a clean pair of jeans and made his way to his car, Anti trailing close behind. Jack started up his car, then realized it might be too early for any stores to be open. Jack leaned his head against the steering wheel of the car and mumbled, "Fuck."

With a sigh Jack turned off the engine and just sat, staring into the distance with a blank mind. When his limbs started tingling, he ignored it. After a few more minutes, Jack's body was entirely limp and he couldn't move his arms or legs. He didn't really want to at this point. He had slipped into a weird trance. The streetlights outside his car started moving, floating, and vines grew from the dashboard of his car.

Jack's breathing slowed, as did his thoughts. Dimly, somewhere in the far reaches of his mind, Jack realized he should be worried, but he pushed away the thought. He was relaxed and comfortable, why worry? The vines growing out of his dashboard began to wrap themselves around Jack, all starting in different places. One curled itself around Jack's wrist, another wiggled it's way into Jack's mouth.

The vines continued growing until they covered every part of him except for his eyes. They didn't squeeze, just rested on him, as comfortable as his own skin.

After a few minutes the vines took on a glossy shine. Slowly, almost unnoticeably, the vines turned to rope, then crumbled to dust which blew away in the wind. Jack didn't move, content to sit there until he wasted away.

Eventually, Jack became aware of movement beside him. It took him a minute, but he managed to snap out of the trance he had fallen into to sit up and look over at Anti who was laughing at something.

Frowning, Jack asked, "What's so funny?"

Anti didn't answer and just laughed harder causing chills to run down Jack's back. In an attempt to distract himself, Jack started up the car again and drove to the store.

Jack grabbed two bags of his usual coffee, not planning on buying anything else when Anti made a coughing noise behind him. Jack rolled his eyes and after a quick glance around to make sure no one could hear him, Jack snapped at Anti, "What is it now?"

~~ _**Don't you think you should get some real food?** _ ~~

"What's the point if you won't let me eat it?"

~~ _**Just buy the damned food** _ ~~

Jack opened his mouth to ask what the hell was going on with him, but at that moment he saw an old lady coming down the aisle towards him. He quickly closed his mouth and grabbed a cart.

Jack went up and down each aisle, grabbing random things off the shelf and throwing them in the cart. When he came to to the alcohol section, he started to turn around, but paused. He hadn't made a drinking video in a while, why not? Grabbing the first thing he recognized, a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey, Jack tossed it in with his other food and continued walking.

 

Jack bought enough food to last him a month then made his way back home. The first thing he did after putting everything away was make a cup of coffee. He sighed in relief at the first sip, holding the cup with both hands to help warm him up. He brought the coffee to his work room and sat down.

He thought about recording something, but decided against it. Anti was still hanging out and Jack didn't like to record when Anti could easily mess with him. Instead, Jack decided to just play a game for fun.

After a little searching on Steam, Jack found an interesting sounding, short game and started playing.

It was surprisingly fun, and Jack kind of regretted not recording it because he was certain his subscribers would have liked it. Jack saved the game and logged out, feeling bored. Now that he was feeling a little better, he realized that not having anything to record was kind of boring. He loved making YouTube videos, but he didn't want to risk anything with whatever was happening to Anti.

Maybe Mark could help? Jack logged on to Skype and hovered over the call button. He didn't want to bother Mark, what if he was doing something important? He couldn't just drop everything to take Jack's call. Sighing, Jack closed the window.

~~ _**What's the matter Jack? Feeling like a burden? Good, because you are** _ ~~

Jack didn't need to look to know the exact look Anti had on his face. A smirk full of self satisfaction and just a touch of arrogance. The smug little bastard.

"Finally back to yourself I see. Wonderful."

~~ _**Is that sarcasm I hear** _ ~~

Jack rolled his eyes, "Of course it is. Please go away."

The sound of a Skype call filled the room as Anti began talking.

~~ _**I think we both know I can't do that** _ ~~

A chair appeared behind Anti, who sat down and leaned back, like he was watching a show.

~~ _**Well? Answer it** _ ~~

Jack sighed and after seeing that it was Mark calling, accepted the call. "Hey Mark."

"Hey Jack. I saw you were online. How'd you sleep?"

Jack debated telling the truth, but decided against it. It just wasn't worth it, "Fine."

Mark raised an eyebrow, "Really? Because those bags under your eyes tell a different story."

Jack self consciously rubbed his eyes, "I didn't realize it was that obvious."

"So what happened?"

Jack sighed and glanced quickly at Anti to gauge his reaction before hesitantly saying, "Anti."

Mark frowned and asked, "What'd he do?"

Jack shook his head and looked away, not wanting to tell him, "Nothing it just-"

"Jack." Jack looked up at Mark, "You can tell me."

Jack shook his head, "No Mark, I can't."

~~ _**Embarrassed?** _ ~~

Jack grit his teeth and tried to focus on Mark, "I don't want to lose you Mark. I want to be honest with you, but I can't. You said you won't leave me. I've heard that before. My parents said that, my sister said it, my girlfriend said it. But guess what happened with them?" Jack was starting to get angry and slowly stood up as he spoke, "They left, Mark. They left! And so will you, if I tell you."

~~ _**I wonder why he didn't leave you years ago. You should ask** _ ~~

Jack felt his lips move to follow Anti's order, "Why didn't you already leave me? It's not like I'm a great friend, or even a good friend."

~~ _**You aren't much of a friend at all*** _ ~~

Jack's anger slowly turned back into sadness and he sat down again. He covered his eyes with his hands and waited for a response.

"I would never leave you Jack. You're my best friend, and I couldn't ask for anything more from you. You're amazing and sweet and perfect and _I love you_. I love you for everything you are. That includes your schizophrenia and everything that comes with it. You have supported me through hard times, and now it's my turn to do the same for you. So stop telling me I'm going to leave, because I'm not."

~~_ **He's lying. End the call** _ ~~

Jack almost couldn't breathe. His mind replaying those words over and over, unable to fathom their meaning. "Y-you love me?"

Mark slowly nodded, carefully gauging Jack's reaction as he says, "I do. And I don't expect you to feel the same way about me, but I need you to understand why I won't ever leave you."

Jack stared at Mark for a minute, processing. He had never been loved before, not really. Maybe when he and his girlfriend first started dating, but that had been corrupted quickly by her anger. His parents were always too busy with his siblings to care much about him, especially after he was diagnosed and his siblings were quick to agree with them.

He took a deep breath, "Okay. I.... I'll try Mark. I'll try to be honest but I just.... I've never been open with anyone about this so I might, I don't know, have some trouble. I-" Jack cleared his throat, "I really care about you Mark, but love? I don't think I've ever loved anyone..."

~~ _**And you shouldn't waste it on him** _ ~~

Mark smiled, "I know love is a strong word, but I promise-

~~ _**His promises aren't worth shit** _ ~~

"-that it's how I feel. Thank you for trying for me, Jack."

Jack nodded, "I should be thanking you." He turned his head to look at Anti, who looked very agitated, then looked back at Mark, "You're the one that's putting in the effort to save me from myself."

"Technically it's Anti though, right?"

"You know, Anti said something last night that kind of got me thinking. Anti is me, if you think about it. I created him, not on purpose, but I did. So it's still my fault."

"You didn't ask to have schizophrenia," Mark pointed out.

Jack shrugged and sat back, "Anyway, my point still stands. Thank you Mark."

Mark smiled, "What are friends for?"

Jack smiled back, finally feeling a little better.

~~ _**Don't count on it lasting very long** _ ~~

Jack ignored him. He couldn't let Anti ruin this moment for him.

"How's your leg doing? Are you able to walk okay?"

Jack nodded, "Yeah it's doing a lot better. It helps that I didn't do much this week, so it got a lot of rest."

"Next time be more careful when you're cutting things, because that looked really painful."

Anti started laughing.

~~ _**You didn't tell him? I'm insulted, I deserve a better excuse than an accident** _ ~~

Jack had to bite back a response. Instead, he turned and gave Mark a smile that was more like a grimace, "I may have lied about what happened with my leg. It, um... well I.... Anti might have made me stab myself. Maybe."

Mark looked concerned, "How could he make you do that to you?"

Jack scratched the back of his head and looked away, "I don't actually know."

~~ _**Idiot** _ ~~

Jack pointedly stared at the ground, "I don't know how Anti does what he does, I think it's just part of the hallucinating thing. He's just stronger than me."

~~ _**Of course I am. You're the weakest person on this planet, it's not that hard** _ ~~

Anger sparked in Jack's chest, but he refused to let it show.

Mark shook his head, "I don't believe that. You're strong, Jack-"

~~ _**He's lying** _ ~~

"-and you can beat him."

~~ _**Not in a million years** _ ~~

Jack shook his head slightly, "The only time I ever beat him was when he tried to kill you. That was when you woke up and I was in your bedroom and I had to go to the hospital," Jack added for clarification.

~~ _**He should have died** _ ~~

"And I have no idea how I did, which sucks."

~~ _**That's about enough of this Skype call. Turn it off, Jack** _ ~~

Mark was obviously confused, "How did Anti try to kill me?"

~~ _**I'm warning you, turn it off** _ ~~

Jack shoved down the anger that threatened to overwhelm him, "He took control of me and grabbed a knife, which actually turned out to be fake, then tried to stab you."

~~ _**I swear, Sean. I will make you pay** _ ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know it's a weird spot to cut off, but I didn't want the chapter going on for ages with no end in sight so I cut it off in the middle.
> 
> I love comments, especially if you have something critical to say.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, I just wanted to say one quick thing. Obviously, everybody's schizophrenia is different. I am basing Jack's schizophrenia off my own personal experiences, so please don't think that everyone with schizophrenia sees or experiences these things.
> 
> Most people with schizophrenia aren't violent. In this, Anti takes over Jack and people get hurt, but that is very rare in schizophrenia for people to get hurt because of it.
> 
> I just wanted to say something because it's important for everybody to know that schizophrenia is not dangerous or harmful. I could keep going but I'm pretty sure you understand.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?" Jack screamed, pushed over the edge as he turned towards Anti, forgetting about Mark for a split second. Instantly he turned back to Mark and started apologizing, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, resting his head on his hands.

Mark's voice was gentle, "Were you yelling at Anti?"

Jack nodded, head still in his hands. He expected Anti to have hit him already, but he didn't hear anything. Cautiously, Jack peaked over to where Anti was standing.

Anti was twitching with anger. His eyes had turned pure black and his fingers were now claws. His eyes were glowing again, and Jack had a sinking feeling he wasn't going to hold back.

Jack quickly looked away, "He's angry, I have to go."

"No, Jack. You'll just be giving him what he wa-"

Anti brought his fist down on top of the computer, smashing it and effectively ending the call.

Jack jumped back, trying to avoid getting cut by the glass, "The fuck was that for?"

Anti was shaking with.... anger? He fell to the ground in front of Jack, convulsing as though he was being electrocuted. Jack only stared at him in confusion.

Anti reached out a hand to grab Jack's ankle and Jack backed up. Still convulsing, Anti pulled himself across the floor towards him, leaving a trail of blood on the floor.

Jack dogged his arm as ran past Anti and out of the room. Sprinting to the kitchen, he grabbed the first knife he saw and held it in front of him in a defensive stance. Slowly, he crept back to his work room, ready for Anti to jump out at him at any moment.

He paused outside the door, listening. It was silent. Jack counted to three in his head and burst into the room, knife held high, to find....

Nothing. His computer was back to normal and Anti was gone, along with his blood trail. Mark saw him come in and yelled, "Jack! Are you okay?"

Jack slowly lowered the knife, unsure of what to say. He nodded slowly, scanning the room to make sure Anti was gone, "Yeah I'm okay."

"What was that?"

Jack turned back to Mark and said uncertainly, "I don't really know."

Mark sigh and ran a hand through his hair, then he laughed, "This was quite an eventful Skype call."

Jack gave him a weak smile and after one last glance at the door, sat down at his computer, "Sorry about that. He was just getting on my nerves and I couldn't take it," Jack laughed grimly, "I probably looked like a mad man just then, didn't I?" Jack groaned at the thought and slouched in his chair.

Mark smiled and joked, "I mean, besides yelling at a person that doesn't exist, and the whole running into your room holding a knife like you're about to murder the chair, you acted perfectly sane."

Jack was grateful for Mark's nonchalance about this whole situation. He sat back up and fixed Mark with a half serious, half joking look, "If you knew what Anti really looked like, I'm sure you would have acted the same way."

Mark shrugged, "If he's anything like he is in your videos, I already get it."

Jack laughed, "He's a thousand times scarier in real life." A shiver ran down Jack's back as he heard Anti's laugh from a distance, almost like an echo.

Mark paused, obviously unsure if he should ask, "Can you describe him to me?"

Jack shrugged and thought for a moment before answering, "His teeth are jagged and he has this... sort of cut across his neck that never heals. His ears are pointed and curled and his eyes glow green, but the white parts are pitch black. It's fucking creepy. His hair is darker than mine, like black mixed with green, and he has blood sprayed over his face and clothes, always. I don't know why, but it's always there. Even when he's wearing something different. He can turn his fingers into claws, but they cut like knives. His body isn't really solid, that's why I do the whole glitching thing in the videos."

Mark listened carefully, trying to form a picture in his mind. He nodded slowly, "You were right. He does sound scarier in real life."

"Obviously I was right," Jack laughed, "I'm the only one who's ever seen him."

Mark held up his hands in mock defense, "True, true." Mark lowered his hands with a grin on his face.

Jack matched the smile. For the first time in what felt like forever, he was truly happy and it was all thanks to Mark. "Thank you Mark."

"For what?"

Jack shrugged and made a circular gesture with his hand, "Everything. You make me smile, even when we're talking about Anti, and you're willing to stay with me. I just want you to know how much I appreciate it."

Mark smiled and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by someone talking behind him. He turned around and listened for a minute while Jack sat awkwardly on the other side.

Mark turned back to Jack, "Sorry, I have to go. I forgot I had set a meeting in half an hour I need to get ready for."

Jack nodded and waved, "Okay, bye Mark."

Mark smiled, "Bye," and ended the call.

~~ _**Finally, he's gone** _ ~~

Jack jumped out his chair, heart racing. He grabbed the knife off the desk and whipped around to face Anti in a defensive stance. Anti laughed.

~~ _**Relax, I'm not going to hurt you. At least not yet** _ ~~

Jack didn't move, "That's not exactly comforting."

~~ _**Just drop the knife and get on with your pathetic life** _ ~~

Jack didn't let go of the knife, instead gripping it tighter as he walked cautiously past Anti into the hallway of his house. Anti followed, but didn't make any move to attack him.

As he walked through his house, he realized just how dirty it was. Laundry was thrown everywhere and covered in a layer of grime and dirt and there was trash everywhere. His OCD kicking in, Jack started to clean. He started a load of laundry and put the rest of the dirty clothes in a pile, then he picked up the random scraps of trash littered around his house.

Hair fell into Jack's eyes as he bent over to grab an old shirt off the floor. He reached up to brush it back and could almost feel the oil from his hair when he touched it. Suddenly, all he could focus on was how greasy his body was. Jack dropped the shirt in his hand and had to hold back from sprinting to the bathroom as Anti followed him laughing.

The first thing Jack did was put a ridiculous amount of shampoo in his hair. He left it there as he did everything else, hoping it would get rid of the greasy feeling. He scrubbed his arms as hard as he could and viciously rubbed his face with soapy hands, having run out of face wash.

He didn't stop until his skin felt raw. Raw was clean. He stepped out of the shower and toweled off. The rough texture of the towel under his finger freaked him out and Jack had to drop it. He allowed himself to drip dry, then put on a pair of jeans and a crumpled, but clean shirt.

Jack got back to cleaning the clutter that had gathered over the past few weeks. Surprisingly, it took him only two hours to clean most of his house, and he had to admit it felt nice to actually do something for a change.

Maybe he should record? He was feeling energetic for a change and he wanted to record. He missed the feeling of happiness it gave him, but he wasn't sure how Anti would handle being around while he recorded. Glancing over at the creature, Jack cleared his throat.

"I'm going to record."

Anti nodded, but didn't react. Jack stood there awkwardly for a moment before going to his recording room. Anti sat down next to him as Jack chose a game, turned on the camera, and did his usual intro.

"Top o' the mornin' to ya laddies, my name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to videos! I'm sorry I had to take a break, but I'm feeling better and I'm ready to...."

  
Surprisingly, Anti stayed fairly quiet as Jack recorded, only chiming in a few times when Jack messed up. He recorded over three hours worth of two different games and he was incredibly happy to have been able to just sit down and get something done again.

He was about to turn off his camera when he remembered the whiskey he had bought earlier that day. Jack quickly grabbed the bottle and a shot glass and sat back down at his desk.

"Now what should I record?" Jack mumbled to himself as he thought about it for a minute. "I haven't done an online quiz in a while."

The only question was, what would he do a quiz on? He'd already done a lot on himself.

~~ _**You should do one about Mark** _ ~~

Jack had forgotten Anti. He swiveled his chair to face him and asked, "Mark? Why?"

Anti only shrugged in response. Jack rolled his eyes and turned back to his computer. Why not? A quick Google search later and Jack was ready. He did his intro and started the first quiz called "How much do you really know about Markiplier?"

 

After taking a few shots for getting the questions wrong, Jack began to feel the buzz building in the back of his head. By the end of the video, Jack couldn't stop giggling at almost everything. He tried to stand up on just one foot and lost his balance, crashing over on his side. He lay on the ground, laughing like a madman.

He made his way to bed and crashed hard, exhausted from no sleep and too much drinking.

 

Jack opened his eyes and winced, bringing a hand up to his head and closing his eyes as the light burned them. Squinting hard, Jack looked at the clock that read 5:27. Groaning Jack stumbled out of bed to the bathroom where he vomited.

He hugged the toilet bowl close as waves of nausea passed over him and he emptied his stomach again. He was aware of Anti laughing behind him, but he didn't have the strength to do anything about it.

After what felt like hours, Jack managed to stand up. He held his head with one hand as he used the wall as a crutch with his other. When he reached his kitchen, he filled a glass with water and chugged it. He filled it up again and sat down, sipping it more slowly.

~~ _**How do you feel, Jacky** _ ~~

Anti's snarky voice was purposely loud. Jack winced and covered his ears. "You know I'm a lightweight," he mumbled, the words sending sharp pricks of pain to his brain.

~~ _**Of course, why else would I want to talk to you?** _ ~~

Jack sighed and stood up, regretting it almost instantly as the world spun. He steadied himself and carefully walked past Anti. He quickly downed two Advil then went into his recording room.

Jack's eyes widened when he saw the bottle he had left on his desk, then he shut them quickly as pain shot through his head. Opening them slowly, Jack couldn't believe his eyes. There was less than a fourth of the bottle left. Jack felt another wave of nausea pass over him and he dropped to the floor clutching his stomach. No wonder he felt so bad. He hadn't had a drop to drink in months before this and he had almost finished an entire bottle!

Deciding he did not want to see how much of a fool he had made of himself on video, Jack put the cap back onto the bottle and turned off the camera, the two things he had forgotten to do last night. He sat down down and picked up his phone, squinting as he turned it on. He scrolled through Twitter quickly, checking for anything new. Nothing came up so he set his phone back on his desk and woke up his computer.

Jack started cutting up the first hour of footage into a video, but he couldn't focus. After only ten minutes, he gave up and sat back in his chair. The Advil had helped, but he still felt like he had been hit by a truck then dropped off a cliff. His head fell back and his eyes drooped. A yawn escaped him as he sank into the inviting numbness.

 

Jack felt a sound pull at his mind. Where was he? He tried to open his eyes but they felt glued shut. The sound slowly became clearer and Jack's eyes snapped open. His computer was showing a Skype call incoming from Mark. Jack quickly declined it, not wanting Mark to see how hungover he was.

Jack groaned as he tried to stretch his arms. His muscles hurt and he was still tired, but the pounding in his head had slightly lessened. He glanced back at his computer and saw that Mark had sent him a Skype message.

_I don't have your phone number since you changed it, so this is my only way to contact you. Unless you want me to make another video, answer the call!_

Jack rolled his eyes as another call popped up on screen. He quickly attempted to fix his hair and made sure he didn't have any vomit on his shirt. He moved the whiskey bottle out of the way of the camera and accepted the call.

Mark's face came up on screen. Being the observant guy he is, Mark instantly noticed something was wrong, "Are you okay."

Jack nodded, "Yeah, I'm just... tired."

Mark raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

Jack shrugged, hoping Mark wouldn't push it.

Mark clapped his hands together loudly and Jack winced, grabbing his head as it pounded from the noise. Mark made a triumphant noise, "Aha! I knew it. You're not tired, you're hungover."

Jack groaned and dropped his hand from his head, "Yeah, I am. Thanks for that by the way."

Mark shrugged, "I wouldn't have had to do it if you had just told me the truth."

"You sound like my mom," Jack grumbled.

Mark shrugged, "I don't care. I'm worried about you Jack. Drinking? It-"

"It's not what you think," Jack interrupted hastily, "I was filming a video and I got... A little carried away. That's all."

Mark had a weird look in his eyes. Before Jack could pin what it was, Mark looked away, "I don't know if I can believe you, Jack-"

"You don't need to believe me." Jack couldn't keep the venom out of his voice, "You don't need to keep checking up on me, I'm fine. I'm great actually. I've been recording more and I'm going to start putting up videos in a few days, so back off, Mark. I'll send you my phone number so you can text me instead of threatening me so I answer your fucking calls."

Jack cancelled the call and closed out of Skype. He stood up, ignoring the dizziness he felt, and walked stiffly to his room. He lay on the bed, not even closing his eyes, just fuming with anger towards Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably won't be posting for a few weeks, but we'll see.
> 
> Comments are highly appreciated, so please don't be afraid to let me know what you think of the story so far!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? It hasn't been a month since I've posted a chapter, I don't know what you're talking about.

Who did Mark think he was? So what if Jack did start drinking? It wasn't any of his business either way.

Jack felt anger building in his chest as he lay on his bed. He focused on his breathing, trying to calm himself down before he entirely lost it.

In.... 2..... 3..... Out..... 2..... 3...... In.... 2..... 3..... Out..... 2..... 3...... In.... 2..... 3..... Out..... 2..... 3......

His eyes flickered shut and drowsiness caught up with him. He tried and failed to hold back a yawn, then mumbled, "Drinking really makes you tired, huh?" before passing out once again.

*****

_"...... the diagnosis is Schizophrenia."_

_Sean couldn't believe it, "What do you mean?" His voice trembled slightly, "I'm coming here because I'm depressed, not psycho!"_

_His therapist gave him a patient smile, "I know, Sean. But after everything you've told me about your... friend, and the tests we've been doing the past few weeks, there isn't any other diagnosis possible."_

_"But...." Sean trailed off, realizing it would be pointless to argue._

_"We have all seen this coming for a while. The good news is, there are plenty of medications-"_

_"No!" Sean couldn't stop himself from shouting, "I don't want to be drugged, I'd rather be dead!"_

**_Don't let them take us away_ **

**_Stand your ground_ **

_"Sean, calm down. You aren't going to be drugged. The medication is to help you, nothing else."_

_"Sean, sweetie. Maybe we should hear her out. She does know better than any of us," his mom said softly, "And what have I told you about talking about suicide?"_

_Sean couldn't hold back anymore. He turned on his mom and snarled, "So we're just going to pretend it didn't happen? 'Let's just send him off to therapy and everything will get better'? Well I have news for you, mom. IT NEVER GOT BETTER, AND NOW ITS EVEN WORSE!!!!"_

_He turned and started to run. He shoved the door open and sprinted down the wooden steps, not caring if any of the cars in the half empty parking lot hit him._

_He had just found his rhythm when hit foot his something and he went flying. He looked up and saw Anti._

_Sean started shaking, "Notnownotnownotnow," he mumbled frantically. He reached up and held his head in his hands, "You're not real."_

~~ **_I'm more real than anything else in your life. Stop being a little bitch and get back there_ ** ~~

*****

Jack's eyes fluttered open. He stared at the ceiling for a moment. His head still hurt, although considerably less than before, and his heart pounded from his dream. Well, he supposed it was more of a memory than a dream.

He swore silently to himself that he would never drink again. Groaning, Jack slowly stood up and stretched. As he grabbed his phone, he realized he had forgotten to send Mark his number. Guilt flooded him. He wasn't really sure what to say, so he just sent him a simple text.

Jack: Here's my number ~ Jack

Withing seconds his phone buzzed in reply.

Mark: Thank you, and I'm sorry for pushing you earlier

Jack quickly typed out a response, reading it over a few times to make sure he didn't mess anything up

Jack: You have nothing to be sorry about. I was hungover and angry. I should be apologizing, not you

Mark: You were right though, and I'll back off

Jack didn't know how to respond so he just turned off his phone and let it fall from his hands onto his bed with a sigh.

Now that his hangover was finally gone, Jack could work again. He sat down to his computer and started to review the footage from yesterday. He cut out the first little bit, made the intro, and started the process of turning hours of footage into a 20 minute video.

He started getting slightly uncomfortable as he got farther into the recording. At one point, drunk Jack picked up the bottle and chugged about half of it in one go. Jack groaned as he watched this one of his voices asked sarcastically.

**How'd that work out for you?**

Jack was confused as the Jack on video started to do different quizzes. "I don't remember this," he commented out loud to no one. He watched as drunk Jack went through the obviously fan-made quiz. The pictures above the questions were all of Mark, mostly of his muscles. One the questions was about said muscles and Jack watched in horror as his drunk self giggled.

_"He's just so hot. Like, look at those fucking arms. I want him to hold me down with those muscles of fucking steel and-"_

Jack paused the video and put his head in his hands in embarrassment. He could only guess what he had said next, and nothing he could come up with was good. Afraid to his core, Jack hit play on his computer.

_"-fuck-"_

Jack frantically hit pause again, and shouted, "Why Jack?!"

He slammed his head down against his desk and closed his eyes. Fuck, he was lucky that he edited his own videos and that he lived alone. He swore to himself for the second time that day that he would never drink again. He needed to delete this footage as permanently as he could.

**What a fag**

**Are you gay?**

He told himself firmly that didn't like Mark like that, not at all, but some doubt crept through. Did he?

No, no! He wasn't gay, and he did not want his best friend to.... Jack pushed it aside. He probably only thought about it because Mark had said he loved Jack, right?

Jack took a deep breath and tried to go back to editing. He hit they play button again, determined to watch until he found the end of what he needed to cut out.

_"-me like a-"_

Jack paused it again, cringing deep inside his soul. He just couldn't listen. It was so, deeply humiliating. He did not want to hear himself, no matter how drunk, talking about fucking his best friend.

He temporarily cut out a chunk around the section and played the video. Finding he had cut a little too much, he adjusted it and played it again.

 

Luckily, Jack hadn't said anything else that was too embarrassing. He was finally finished with the video, and he threw up his arms in celebration. It had taken him ages; his back hurt and his eyes were strained, but the video was done.

Jack checked his phone, surprised to see he had missed a text from Mark. Jack felt his face heat up, then he mentally scolding himself. What was he, twelve?

He unlocked his phone and scanned Mark's text.

Mark: Hey I just wanted to check if you were okay with me uploading the vlog we had recorded while you were here, then some of the other little skits. I just thought I'd check since you left so suddenly

Jack: Of course. Everyone is going to be so excited when they see them, I can't wait!

Was the exclamation mark too much? Jack deleted it, but it still felt wrong. He sounded emotionless without it. He added it again, but still felt too much. Jack sent it nervously.

Mark: I hope so, it's going up tommorow morning

Jack: Okay

Mark: Should I say something about your leg or just pretend it didn't happen?

Jack: Don't say anything about it. If people ask too much I'll tweet about it or something

Mark: okay

Jack sighed with relief. He knew some people were going to notice, but if they did he could pass it off as an injury while they were filming.

~~ _**So, how's the boyfriend?** _ ~~

Jack jumped as Anti spoke from the corner of the room. He had forgotten he was still there. It took him a minute to register what Anti had said, but once he did he frowned, "Mark's not my boyfriend."

~~ **_You're damn right he's not. And he's never going to be, or you'll have me to answer to_ ** ~~

Jack was taken aback by the venom in Anti's voice, "What's you're problem with Mark?"

~~_ **He is poisoning you. You've changed since you met him, and not for the better. You're weak now** _ ~~

"I wasn't weak before? The old you seemed to think so."

Anti ignored him.

~~ _**If you cared at all about yourself, you would listen to me, and cut him out of your life** _ ~~

Jack laughed, "If I cared about myself, listening to you would be the worst option."

Anti growled, a deep, menacing sound that sent a brief wave of terror through Jack.

~~ _**Listen to me you little bitch. Mark is trouble, listen to me for once in you useless life-** _ ~~

Jack interrupted. "What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this, Mark has never done anything to you, so why the hell do you hate him so much? You don't make any sense!"

Anti glared at him and _snapped_.

~~ _**There is no logic to what I do! It's all your mind, controlling what I do, say, think, and feel** _ ~~

Jack rolled his eyes, "I can't control you."

~~ _**You can't control me, but your schizophrenia can. I don't even exist when you don't see me, why do you think I've started hanging out more?** _ ~~

Jack stared at him in bewilderment, "What the hell does that mean? 'You don't exist'? Can you just speak normally for once?"

~~ _**My life started the first time I appeared in your bedroom that night, when you were fifteen years old. You think you were confused, how do you think I felt?** _ ~~

Anti spat the words at him. As he continued, he got more and more agitated and animated.

**~~ _I didn't exist, then suddenly I did. Can you even imagine what that's like? I hate you because you created me. Not only that, I hate you because I am you. I am all the parts of you that you want to ignore. I am your subconscious personified. I know you better than you know yourself, because I am you. I. Am. You. Sean_ ~~ **

Jack grit his teeth and spat out, "Great speech, but it's Jack."

~~ _**Your name is Sean** _ ~~

"MY NAME IS JACK!"

~~ _**YOUR NAME IS SEAN AND YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME** _ ~~

Jack flinched away as Anti towered over him.

~~ _**YOU ARE SEAN. IT'S TIME TO STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH BECAUSE SOMEONE HURT YOU** _ ~~

"That's not-" Jack tried to interrupt. Anti cut him off, his voice dropping from angry to slightly sympathetic.

~~ _**Yes, it is. Your parents didn't love you so you think if you choose a different name, it hurts them. All it does is hurt you** _ ~~

Jack's carefully pieced together heart began to crack, "My... My parents loved me. I-I was just a lot t-to handle." Anti shook his head.

~~ _**Denying the truth doesn't help you. They didn't love you, Sean. I told you that so many times, but you refused to listen. I drove them away to protect you** _ ~~

Jack shook his head, tears forming in his eyes, "You've never done anything to protect me in my entire life. Ever since you appeared, my life has gone downhill."

~~ _**Everything I do is to protect you. I knew your family would turn their backs on you, so I tried to hurt them as revenge. You may have loved your girlfriend, but she did not love you. I was the one who helped you get rid of her-** _ ~~

Jack couldn't stop himself, "I didn't want her to go! You were the reason she didn't love me!"

~~ _**She didn't love you because she wasn't able to love anyone. I tried to stop you from being hurt. I tried so many times to drive her away so that you could piece yourself back together, but she refused to leave. So I made you tell her to fuck off** _ ~~

Jack shook his head, "You're lying," his voice cracked.

~~ _**No. You know it's true. I showed you the truth and you refused to listen. No one has ever loved you, Sean-** _ ~~

Jack didn't hear the rest, "MY NAME IS JACK!" His heart shattered as he screamed so loudly his throat felt raw. He sank to the ground crying as he finally accepted what Anti was saying. He was sad, angry, unloved, and alone.

His emotions swelled inside of him, uncontrollable and intense. He let out a broken sob and wrapped his arms around his legs, burying his face in his knees. He rocked back and forth slightly, trying to distract himself.

He didn't know how long he had been sitting there, sobbing his heart out, before he heard movement. He felt arms wrap themselves around him like a protective blanket and a wet feeling on the back of his neck as the blood from Anti's neck dripped down his back in an oddly comforting pattern. Anti was hugging him. Jack's first thought was to push him away and scream, but something held him back.

Without realizing what he was doing, Jack turned his body and buried his face into Anti's chest, still crying. Anti hugged him tightly and they sat still, Anti comforting Jack. For once, the pins and needles he felt racing up and down his body didn't bother him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was so short, but the good news is there will be a better, hopefully longer chapter next week
> 
> Please comment, anything. It always makes me happy.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised this last weekend, but it was really badly written so I took an extra week to make it better. I'm sorry, but I hope you all like it.

Jack was surprised he hadn't run out of tears yet. Anti's hand was rubbing his back in a soothing pattern, but Jack was starting to feel queasy from so much contact. Pulling away, Jack brought his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, curling himself into a ball. Anti stood up. Jack hiccupped and held his breath, half expecting Anti to flip and start beating him.

But he didn't. He just stood there, watching him for a moment before holding out a hand.

~~ _**Get up** _ ~~

His voice was slightly softer than usual. Jack hesitated, then accepted Anti's hand, standing up beside him.

~~ _**Call Mark** _ ~~

Jack's mind spun, "Why? I thought you hated him."

Anti bared his teeth.

~~ _**I do. But despite what I think, he makes you happier. Maybe you should invite him for a visit. I'll even leave you alone for the call** _ ~~

And with that, Anti faded away. Jack was confused and he couldn't take the time to puzzle anything out right now. He tried to stop the tears streaming down his face and calm his breathing, but he wasn't very successful.

He picked up his phone and hit Mark's contact picture: a screenshot Jack had taken from Mark's "A Date with Markiplier" video where he was smiling sweetly at the camera. He held his breath as it rang, half hoping the man wouldn't pick up.

"Hey, Jack. What's up?"

Jack almost lost it again at the sound of his voice. He tried to speak, but the firmly lodged lump in his throat blocked his words.

"Um... You there?"

Jack pulled the phone away from his face so Mark wouldn't hear and sniffed loudly, trying to clear his nose. He quickly wiped his eyes.

"Yeah I'm here"

"Are you okay? Your voice sounds weird."

"Must be bad reception," Jack lied before he could stop himself. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself a little before he spoke again, "Actually, I'm not okay. I n- I need...." An image came unbidden to Jack's mind; Mark's arms wrapped around him, holding him together, but Jack quickly shook it off, "I don't know what I need, but I don't want to be alone right now," Jack paused to take a shaky breath, hating himself for being so weak, "You're my only real friend and I- I just need someone.... Would you be willing to visit me here in Ireland? Like, soon?"

There was a silence on the other end of the line and Jack heard some shuffling. He waited, nerves starting to kick in, for a few minutes before Mark spoke, "I can get to Dublin from here in two days. I can probably get a flight to where ever you live from there. What happened?"

Jack shook his head, forgetting that Mark couldn't see him, "I can't explain over the phone. I want..... Thank you Mark."

"Anything for you. I want to help you, Jack. If that means flying across the world with only a two day warning, I wouldn't hesitate for a second."

"I might be beyond help," Jack murmured quietly as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall.

"Don't say that. I'll be there is two days, can you wait that long?"

Jack sighed, "Of course. Thank you again, Mark. You have no idea...."

"I have to go. Remember, I'll be there in two days."

"Will do."

Jack pulled the phone away from his ear and sank to the floor with a sigh. The house was eerily quiet without Anti around.

As he reached up to wipe the stray tear that slipped out of his tired eyes, Jack took a moment to think. He felt so weak, asking Mark to come help him like he was some helpless baby. He wondered what Mark had ever seen in him. He had said that he loved Jack, but how could he possibly love someone he's met one time? Jack's breathing sped up. Had Mark just been lying to shut him up? What if this was all some sort of joke?

Mind swirling with doubts, Jack forced himself to stand up. Now was not the time to get caught up in his own mind. He thought about recording another video, but decided against it. Editing was a better option for today.

He sat down to edit but something stopped him. How long had it been since he had posted a video? Maybe it was time to commit to videos again. Jack shrugged thoughtfully to himself. After all, it would help to get back into a schedule.

His mind made up, Jack clicked through his videos files to find the first bit of gameplay he had recorded since the break. He watched it to make sure he had edited the whole thing, then set it to upload as his would-be second video of the day. Excitement flowed through him, he was back!

Now that he felt a little better he could record, right? Jack glanced around, briefly wondering where Anti was, but pushing the thought aside to turn on the camera.

Jack felt way more excited than usual as he did his intro, "Top o' the mornin' to ya, laddies! Today..... Actually I don't know what we're doing." Jack laughed, a real laugh that turned uncontrollable within seconds. It surprised him, but it felt good so he didn't stop. When he finally calmed down he said to the camera, "Sorry about that, I'll be right back with a game."

 

 

Jack was dreading going to bed. He didn't know why, but the moment he turned off the camera, a pit of anxiety settled in his stomach. It was late, very late, but Jack wasn't tired. In fact, his heart was racing.

Despite this, Jack knew he had to go to sleep because Mark was arriving in less than two days. He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling without blinking until his eyes grew sore and forced themselves shut and he fell straight into a dream.

*****

~~ _**Pathetic. You can't find any other way to be happy can you?** _ ~~

_Sean whipped around at the voice behind him in shock, dropping the razor blade and covering up his arm. He recoiled when he saw who had spoken._

_Sean stood in front of himself, except there was something seriously off about him. His body didn't seem solid, not in a smokey way, more of the way that a 3D movie isn't solid. In some places, his image broke and moved, but never for long. Sean couldn't believe his eyes as he stared in disbelief at the creature, everything about it horrified him._

_His clothes were covered in blood. It was splattered around his upper legs and lower torso, but his upper torso was drenched in it. His neck stretched awkwardly longer than Sean's. The irises of his eyes were neon green, and the whites were corrupted by veins of black. His hair matched his eyes in color, and grew much longer than Sean's had ever been._

_Sean couldn't hold back a horrified scream. In a second, the creature that looked so unnervingly alike to him, seemed to appear next to him as he covered Sean's mouth with a clawed hand._

~~**_Shhhhh. We wouldn't want anyone to hear ya now would we?_ ** ~~

_His voice was coy and confident, but Sean noticed it was several octaves higher than his and had a weird, almost electronic sounding, pitch behind it. Sean trembled as the creature removed it's hand. He managed to stutter out, "Wh-what are you?"_

_The creature winked at him and Sean felt shivers travel down his spine._

~~ **_The better question, darlin', is who am I?_ ** ~~

_It put a weird emphasis on the last three words and Sean felt his mouth work against him, mimicking the creatures tone, "Who are you?"_

_It smiled at the horrified look on Sean's face. With a flamboyant bow and a dramatic hand flourish, an act that did not match it's looks, the creature introduced itself. Kind of._

~~ **_I am the anti-you_ ** ~~

_"What d-does that mean?" For a second the creature almost looked confused, but the look was so quickly replaced with one of confidence that Sean was sure he had missed something._

~~ **_Ain't it obvious?_ ** ~~

_The creatures accent, at first so like his own had suddenly changed. Sean barely noticed as the creature started talking again as though nothing had happened._

~~ **_I guess you could call me Anti, but that's a little cliché, don't you think?_ ** ~~

_Sean shrugged, trying to act calm, but his heart beat wildly in his chest, "I-I don't know."_

_~~The creature~~ Anti studied him for a minute. Sean squirmed uncomfortably. He closed his eyes and hoped with all his heart that he was dreaming. His eyes flew open when he felt a soft breath blow across his face._

_He stumbled backwards as Anti's horrible face loomed so close to his. Tripping over something on the floor, Sean landed hard on his butt. Anti reached for him, but froze as a voice came from downstairs._

_"Sean? We're home." Crap._

_Sean lunged for the door, shutting and bolting it quickly to prevent his parents from entering. The last thing he need was to explain whatever the hell was happening to his mom. Anti watched him carefully, his head tilted to the side as he asked in a strange voice._

~~ **_Who is that?_ ** ~~

_"My mom," Sean answered, his breath hitching as he realized what he had done. "Pleasedon'thurther," he said in one desperate breath. Anti ignored him and turned around, mumbling under his breath._

_... ~~ **Mom**~~...... ~~**what is**~~...... ~~**creature**~~...... ~~**love**~~_....

_Anti turned back to him suddenly, clapping his hands together with a grin on his face._

~~**_I wouldn't dare. I'd much rather enjoy a little..... personal time with you_ ** ~~

_Anti looked him over closely and Sean felt the fear that had started fading flood into him again. Tears sprung to Sean's eyes. He was so confused and terrified that he could hardly speak, "Wh-what do you want? I can g-give you whatever y-you want just please, leave me alone!"_

_"Sean? Are you home?"_

_Sean was about to scream for help when Anti bared his teeth and grabbed Sean's arm._

~~ **_Don't. Make. A sound_ ** ~~

_Sean shoved at him frantically, terrified to be so close to the nightmare creature. Startled, Anti fell to the ground backwards, dragging Sean on top of him._

_Taking the opportunity, Sean straddled Anti and started swinging his fists down with all his might._

_"GO AWAY YOU FREAK! LEAVE ME ALONE!!" Sobs ripped from his chest, tearing away at him as blood flew in every direction._

_His parents found him that way; straddling the floor and beating his broken, bloodied fists into the ground as he tried so desperately to get rid of the parasite that had lodged itself firmly in his mind._

*****

Jack's eyes flew open. He felt cold sweat drip down his forehead as he tried to calm his breathing. The dream was already fading from his memory and he frowned as he struggled to remember it. A weird feeling settled in his chest, and Jack shivered. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, then recoiled slightly, disgusted with himself.

After a quick shower, Jack realized he had a lot of work to do before he was ready for Mark. He tried to ignore the feeling that lingered in the back of his mind as he opened the door to his girlfriend's old room, now his guest room. A thick layer of dust now covered everything. Jack stood in the doorway, feeling sad and not really sure where to start.

**Maybe get rid of the dust you fucking idiot**

**Start with the bed**

**Start with the dresser**

Jack frowned. He found an old towel in his bathroom and got it slightly damp in the sink. He started wiping everything down, but it was slow going. The dust was so thick that Jack had to rinse the towel multiple times for every piece of furniture.

When was the last time he had been in here? Before he could get nostalgic, Jack's thoughts were interrupted by his phone. Jack fumbled for a second as it rang. Mark's contact picture was displayed and Jack swiped to answer it.

"Hey, Mark."

"Hey, Jack. How are you?"

Jack bit his lip, "Fine," he answered without giving it too much thought. Besides the weird feeling he had from his forgotten dream, he was fine.

Mark waited for him to continue and when Jack didn't say anything he cleared his throat awkwardly, "That's good. How's um... How's Anti."

Jack took a deep breath. "That's a loaded question," he attempted to joke, but it fell flat and there was silence for a few seconds. Jack stared at the floor, suddenly feeling very awkward.

"I saw that you posted a video. I'm glad you're back, I think your fans really missed you."

Guilt ate at Jack's stomach. "I don't know how much they missed me. They probably hardly noticed."

"Are you kidding me?! Did you read any of the comments?"

"N-not really. I didn't want to."

"They were all positive, Jack. Your fans love you, everyone loves you. Don't ever forget that."

Jack didn't correct him. He didn't want to be rude. Another silence stretched between them before Mark cleared his throat.

"So, I'm going to need a flight to the nearest airport to you, unless you want to pick me up from Dublin."

Jack facepalmed, "I'm so sorry, I forgot about that. I actually don't know what it is, so I'll send you a text as soon as I Google it."

Jack heard a small laugh from Mark, "Okay sounds good. Are you going to pick me up from there or do I need to rent a car."

"I can drive you," Jack answered quickly, then just as quickly added, "Unless you want to rent a car, then you can-"

Mark interrupted, "No that's fine. Don't forget to text me the name of the airport, okay?"

Jack nodded, "I won't."

There was another silence. Jack desperately tried to think of a joke or question, but all he could think about was what drunk him had said. Jack felt his face heat up and he cleared his throat slightly.

"I... I'm going to go find that airport for you," Jack said, cursing at himself in his head at how lame that sounded. He tried to put a smile on his voice, "Bye!"

Without letting Mark say anything, Jack hung up. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He quickly googled the name of the airport, then sent it to Mark. He put his phone down and ignored it when it buzzed. He had cleaning to do.

 

When all the dust had been wiped away, Jack threw everything he could from the room in the washer. The room was bare, but clean so Jack figured he had done as much as he could.

He walked quietly out of the guest bedroom and wandered around the house a little. He felt nervous as he thought about how soon Mark would be here. He glanced at the clock. A little more than 17 hours until Mark's flight landed in Dublin, then a short flight so Jack could pick him up.

Jack took a few deep breaths as he felt panic begin to creep up on him. Now was not the time to be freaking out. thanks

After calming down a little bit, Jack decided to record. He had uploaded another video earlier and had the next four days scheduled to upload. There was really no need to do anything for YouTube today, but Jack needed to distract himself right now.

Sitting down, Jack put on his headphones and started setting everything up. He turned on his camera and adjusted a few things. He shook his head roughly to hype himself up and did his intro, "Top o' the mornin' to ya laddies!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know Jack does not live in Ireland anymore, but this story is not exactly accurate to their lives anyway.
> 
> Also if you are very observant, you might have noticed Anti's description in the flashback was different than his current one. Hmmmm....
> 
> Comments are the only reason I post anything instead of just writing for myself.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not sure about this chapter.

Jack turned off his camera and nervously checked the time. 14 hours. He sighed as he looked around, wondering what he could do. He knew he should probably sleep, but he was way to worked up to do that now.

He walked aimlessly around his house, trying to find something to do. The guest room was clean as so was just about the entire house. He had never cleaned so much in his life. He had even ran the dishwasher. He never runs the dishwasher! Usually he would hand wash whatever he needed at that moment, or went without them.

Suddenly Jack was worried he overdid it. What if Mark thought he was a neat freak? Would he say something, or just pretend it didn't bother him? Maybe Jack should make it dirtier. A casual, lived-in look, right?

Before Jack could act on any of these thoughts, he ran to the bathroom. He quickly splashed some cold water on his face, which calmed him down a little. He needed a distraction.

Jack went back to wandering around his house. He finds his phone in the guest room and suddenly realizes that he forgot to check if Mark had texted him back.

He unlocks his phone and sees that Mark did indeed text him back.

Mark: Thank you! I'll text you when my flight lands in Dublin

Jack sighed in relief, glad that he didn't have to think of an answer. Then he groaned; he wasn't ready for this. Jack felt nervous energy flow through him, so he went back to his work room. Nervous energy was still energy, so he might as well take advantage of it and keep recording.

 

  
Jack recorded until his camera died. It was dark outside and he was tired now, which he was glad for. After checking the clock, there was only 9 hours until Mark landed in Dublin, so Jack decided he should take a quick nap.

He set an alarm on his phone and laid down, tired and ready to sleep.

Jack felt suddenly energetic. He started bouncing his leg, trying to shake off the excess energy, but somehow only making it worse. He knew he could stop if he wanted to, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to so much it hurt when he tried to stay still. Bouncing his leg faster, Jack tried to keep up with the discomforting need growing inside him. His head jerked to his chest and back to it's original place and he started panting. It hurt, but it was a mental pain. Unexplainable and intense, Jack's entire body shook as he tried desperately to rid himself of the feeling.

He _needed_ to keep moving. He didn't know why but he had the feeling that if he laid still for another second he was going to explode.

Jack ripped the sheets off him and stood up. His leg was still, but the pain grew each second he stood there. Suddenly Jack was outside his house, running away from it. His bare feet pounded on the dirt and his breathing echoed in his head. He needed to move, he needed to movemovemovemovemove.

The world blurred around him and he pushed himself a little harder. Just a little faster. A little farther.

Where was he going? The thought broke into his panic and he lurched to a stop. He was outside, bare foot, in the middle of the night. Suddenly paranoid of everything around him, Jack spun around wildly. Where was he? He needed to get home, what if someone killed him? It was dark and he was in the middle of nowhere.

**It would be so easy for someone to kill you**

**No witnesses**

There was a sharp noise behind him. A twig snapping, a gun going off, or maybe just the breeze. Jack broke into a sprint, scared nevertheless. He thought he was running back to his house, but got turned around at some point and was now lost. He just kept running. At least if he was running, it would be harder for someone to hurt him. It's hard to hit a moving target.

With that thought in mind, Jack pushed himself harder. He lost track of time, only focusing on the ground in front him, intent on not tripping. Where was his goddamn house?

After Jack passed the same tree three times, he realized he was running in circles. He forced himself to stop running for a moment to think about where he was. As he struggled to recognize anything, he got the feeling of being watched.

He took a deep breath in and let it out, "No one's there," he mumbled.

**How do you know?**

Jack grit his teeth and hissed, "Shut up."

As soon as he figured out which was his house was, Jack took off running again. The panicky feeling was fading, but not entirely gone by the time he reached his house, so he ran a few more laps around the perimeter of his house. There was real pain in his side from running too much, but Jack ignored it until the jittery feeling had faded.

He sighed in relief and went back into his house. Tired again, Jack lay down. He tossed and turned for an hour before finally falling into a fitful sleep.

 

 

Jack startled awake as a loud alarm sounded. His arms got tangled in the sheets as he failed slightly. As soon as his brain realized what was happening, Jack stopped and slowly untangled himself.

Jack nervously checked his phone. He had two texts from Mark. One saying he had landed in Dublin and another saying he was boarding his second flight a little early. Jack's stomach clenched and he threw himself out of bed.

He dressed as quickly as quickly as he could and quickly started up his car. He parked at the airport and sent Mark a text telling him where he could find Jack when his flight landed. Jack expected Mark to still be flying, but surprisingly, Mark answered right away.

Mark: Great, I'll be right there!

Jack didn't respond, instead he got out of his car and waited. A few minutes later, Jack spotted Mark walking straight towards him. Jack felt his chest tighten and he suddenly realized he was holding his breath. Forcing himself to breathe, Jack greeted Mark.

"Mark! You're here."

Mark laugh, "I know, I can't believe it! You know," Mark's voice dropped and he leaned in, a huge grin plastered on his face, "I'm going to be the first person to ever see your house, besides you of course."

Jack smiled and joked, "Wait did you really think I was going to reveal such a huge secret to you, Markimoo? I rented a hotel room for this."

They laughed and Jack felt his nervousness fade away. He grabbed Mark's bags and put them in his trunk as Mark's got in the passenger seat.

The drive back was fairly quiet, only broken by an occasional joke, but it was comfortable. As Jack pulled into his driveway he announced, "And here we are. The royal palace."

Mark laughed, "Nice place."

"Thanks."

Jack grabbed Mark's suitcases, ignoring him as he tried to protest. He lead Mark to the guest bedroom and looked around, a little nervous.

"I'm sorry, I know it's kind of bland, but I haven't really used it since my girlfriend... left." Jack felt a sharp jab of pain then as it faded, annoyance at that pain. Was he really still stuck on her?

Mark shook his head, "It's fine. I know how it is with ex's." He smiled at Jack.

Jack smiled back. They stood there for a moment in silence before Jack asked, "So uh, I don't know how tired you are....?"

Mark shook his head, "I slept on the plane. I'm good to go."

Jack nodded, "Okay. Are you thirsty?"

Mark let out a small laugh, "Actually, I am."

Jack was relieved. He felt so awkward and he didn't know why. He led Mark to this kitchen and asked, "What would you like?"

Mark shrugged, "Just water."

Jack quickly filled a cup with water and handed it to Mark. He noticed Mark was looking at him weird.

"Thanks."

Jack just nodded. He suddenly felt so many doubts creep up on him. This was a terrible idea, why did he ever listen to Anti?

Mark finished his water. They stood there for a few moments before he asked, "So, are you ready to explain what happened?"

Jack sighed, "I guess I owe you that. Let's at least sit down?"

Mark nodded and Jack sat down on his couch, motioning for Mark to do the same. He took a deep breath and told himself to be strong. He attempted a smile, "I guess I should start with why I was crying. Anti.... uh he just brought up some things that I don't like to talk or think about. I had to come to terms with some things that I-I never really wanted to admit." Jack's voice wavered. So much for being strong.

Mark reached out to touch Jack but stopped himself, "If you still don't want to talk about it, it's fine, but if you need to get it off your chest I'm here for you."

Jack gave him a grateful smile, "I don't know if I am. I mean, I..... I don't know." Jack brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them to comfort himself.

Mark smiled, "That's fine. I'm always here."

Jack nodded, "Thank you. I don't really want to talk about it because it's just so... personal. It's just a lot of shit to talk about and we haven't even had our first date," Jack's voice turned teasing at the end of his sentence and Mark smiled.

"That's true. Is it second date baggage or more of a fifth date situation?"

Jack laughed, "Trying to figure out how long you have to date me to find out, huh?"

Mark raised his hands playfully, "I mean, if you won't tell me..."

Jack shook his head, "You're a goofball."

"Yes," Mark agreed.

They fell into a comfortable silence. Jack slowly got lost in thought. All of the things Anti had said were true, and Jack was ready to admit that, but he wasn't ready to talk about them. How do you even start that conversation? 'Hey, no one's ever loved me because I'm a freaking psycho'?

"So, you said the room I'm staying in was your girlfriend's? You guys lived together, but slept in separate rooms?" Mark asked.

Jack nodded, "She liked her privacy." Jack bit his lip to hold back a comment about the irony of that and instead said, "I'm glad she did honestly. I wouldn't have gotten any sleep with her next to me."

Mark frowned, "Why didn't you leave sooner if you guys didn't love each other?"

Jack shrugged, "I didn't know. I told myself I loved her. When she h-... hurt me I told myself it was my f-fault." Jack took a shuddering breath, "She got angry at everything I did. Sometimes she said I was making up Anti and she would scream for me to tell the truth, but she would always apologize later. I thought she meant it."

Mark's eyes were sad, "I wish I would have known. If anything just to have supported you."

Jack smiled, "You did support me, you just didn't realize it. All those Skype calls and dumb games with you really helped me deal with it. Just having a friend was enough."

Mark smiled and Jack felt his heart soar for a minute. Jack stared into Mark's eyes. They were such a lovely chocolate color, he wished he had realized that before. Actually, come to think of it, every part of Mark was beautiful. Jack studied Mark's face, taking a moment to appreciate it for the first time.

Jack freaked out when he realized what he was doing. "I have to go to the bathroom," he said quickly, not looking at Mark as he stood up.

Trying not to act suspicious, Jack walked quickly down the hall to the bathroom. Shutting and locking the door behind him, Jack put his head in his hands. What the actual fuck was wrong with him?

**Fag**

Jack jerked his head up. "Shut up," he spoke in barely more than a whisper.

**No wonder you drove your girlfriend away**

**You were too gay to love her**

"That's not true!" Jack caught himself before he could get too loud.

Jack jumped as he felt someone touch his shoulder. He spun around, ready to freak out at Mark, but no one was there. The voices got slightly louder, overlapping in their excitement to drag him down.

**Your girlfriend didn't love you**

**You were too gay**

**She could tell**

**She knew the truth**

**That's why she had to rape you**

"She didn't rape me!" Jack laced his fingers through his hair in frustration and tugged at it, trying to calm down before Mark heard him. He felt another hand touch him, trailing from his shoulder to the middle of his back. He spun around again. There was no one there, but Jack could still feel the hand. His breathing quickened and he felt himself begin to break down.

**Such a beautiful woman, and you pushed her away**

**Fucking idiot**

**Why didn't you ever return her affection?**

Another hand joined the other one, they felt at him and images flashed through Jack's mind of his girlfriend, refusing to stop.

**If you were a real man-**

**Maybe she would have stayed with you**

**-you would have enjoyed it**

Tears gathered in his eyes as more hands began touching him. He gasped for breath as panic overtook him. His body shook and he gave up trying to hold himself up. He barely felt his knees buckled underneath him and his head hit the ground. Hands. Pins and needles. Hands. Hands. _Hands._

A voice called out, soft and careful, "Jack? Are you okay? I heard you yell, and it sounded like something fell."

Jack wanted to scream, but he felt one of the hands grip his throat. He choked and started thrashing, trying to knock the invisible hands off, but failing miserably. He reached up to pull the hand at his throat away, but his hand grasped at empty air. The world was spinning and Jack went limp, not knowing what to do.

The voice called out again, urgent this time, "Jack? Answer me please."

**Don't answer him, fag**

**You deserve this**

Jack started dragging himself towards the door. If he could just unlock it..... His hand shook as he reached up, his vision going spotted as he fumbled one-handedly with the lock.

It clicked and Jack collapsed on his back. His lungs felt like they were going to burst as the door opened and Mark rushed in.

Tears leaked from his eyes as Jack struggled. The pins and needles were fading with his vision, but he felt filthy. He felt the same type of filthy he felt after every time he had sex with his girlfriend. It was not rape, Jack refused to call it that. She would never have hurt him like that.

The pressure was suddenly released from his throat and air came rushing into Jack's lungs. He gagged at the sudden change and flipped over onto his elbows to vomit. After he had emptied his stomach, his arms gave way and he fell to the side, slowly rolling onto his back.

Jack shuddered as he felt one last hand slowly trace it's way up his leg, but it vanished when it got to his upper thigh. He was taking deep gulps of air, desperate for oxygen.

"Jack?" Mark's voice was timid.

Jack's eyes alone searched for Mark, he was to tired to move his head. When he found Mark's face he almost wanted to cry. He tried to say something, but he was still breathing too heavily.

"It's okay Jack, deep breaths."

After a minute or two, Jack had regain his breath enough to speak. His throat was sore, but he managed to croak out, "Mark..."

Mark looked like he wanted to cry, "Are you okay!? I was so worried when I heard you fall, I didn't know what to do!"

Jack wanted to sit up, but his limbs weren't cooperating. He lay there for a minute then forced himself to sit up, ignoring as his muscles screamed in protest.

Mark reached out a hand, and the world slowed to a crawl, "Are you okay?" Mark's hand touched Jack's knee and he lost it.

He scrambled away and burst into tears. He tucked himself into the corner and cried. He was dirty, disgusting, filthy. He didn't deserve Mark, or love.

Mark cried out, "I'm so sorry! I forgot, Jack I'm so sorry, please don't cry!" He slowly got closer and Jack trembled.

**He's going to rape you too**

**Don't trust him**

"Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry, I d-don't want to pleasedon'tmakeme." He couldn't think straight. Deep down, he knew Mark would never hurt him, but the voice of doubt made him beg for mercy.

Mark stepped back and spoke softly, "I won't hurt you, Jack. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I won't ever make you do anything. Just breathe, okay?"

Jack tried to calm down He tried to focus as Mark counted breaths for him. His fists clench and his nails dug into his skin. The pain helped him calm down and soon he was able to match Mark's breathing.

His head felt clearer, but he didn't want to move from the corner. He felt safe, curled up against two solid walls with a floor under him and a roof over his head. Jack leaned his head back and just breathed.

After he had completely relaxed, Jack realized he would have to explain this to Mark, and his anxiety spiked. Oh God, what did he just do?!

He buried his face in his arms and tried not to panic. All he wanted was for this to be over. He could imagine the look on Anti's face and he couldn't wait to punch that smug bastard the next time he saw him. Quickly, he wiped the tears from his face and tried to smile at Mark. His bottom lip trembled, but his voice was steady, "Sorry."

Mark shook his head, "Don't apologize, it's not your fault." Jack bit his cheek to keep himself from saying anything as Mark continued, "Are you okay now?"

Jack nodded, "I think so."

"Would it help to talk about it?"

He let out a long sigh and let his head fall back, his mind racing. Mark was giving him a way out; he was being patient, but eventually that patience would run out and Jack would either have to talk or risk losing him. His chest tightened at that thought. He couldn't lose Mark, he wouldn't be able to handle that.

After careful deliberation, Jack nodded, "Okay. But I need a shower first, if that's okay with you?"

Mark nodded, "Whatever you need."

Jack thanked him a million times and got in the shower. He scrubbed his entire body vigorously three times before he finally felt clean. When his voices chimed in, he did it three more times. His skin raw, he stepped out of the shower and toweled himself off.

After getting dressed, Jack went to find Mark. He found him stretched on the couch staring at his phone. Jack cleared his throat and said with a light tone, "Is there any room for me?"

Mark looked up and smiled, "Of course." He moved to make room for Jack, who sat down next to him.

"Do you feel better?"

Jack nodded, "I feel a lot better, thank you."

Mark smiled at him, "I'm glad. Are you ready to talk about it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's a lot of stuff about his girlfriend, but he has to get over her before he can accept liking Mark. 
> 
> Also, I'm sorry if some of this stuff doesn't make sense. A lot of things with schizophrenia are just fucking hard to explain. If you are confused and feel like you need to understand, please ask and I'll try to explain it.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you all so much for the comments and love. It really makes my day when I see the things I feel about other fics commented on something I wrote, even though they're nowhere near as good.


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